Thoughts on Self-Love

I don’t have a guest blogger today, so I thought I would share some thoughts on self-love. It can be hard to love yourself as a woman in a world full of rail-thin models that look nothing like you.

Today’s world is a loud, busy and sometimes harsh one. We read magazines, see pictures on social media, and see models on TV that we feel we should emulate. I’m not sure where that comes from, but it’s a longtime issue. Like millions of others, I have struggled with loving myself and my body.

I’ve got three kids, and have gained and lost 60 lbs afterward. My body has changed a lot. I’m 5’2” and weigh somewhere in the 170s. I don’t weigh myself often because I get mad when I don’t see numbers I like.


I don’t even own a scale. I’ve got stretch marks everywhere I can think of. I didn’t even want to wear leggings for a while because I was afraid of how I would look in them, and guess what I am wearing today? Leggings. I LOVE THEM.

As a kid, I was not the prettiest girl. I had horrible curly hair, weighed probably what I do now, but shorter and had really bad style. I read magazines with almost no girls that looked like me in it. I’m biracial and grew up in the 1990s so it was a bit rough to find models that looked like me. I hated looking like I did because I didn’t look like anyone else. I didn’t appreciate or my curly hair until much later.

Through the years, I tried to stay skinny like my friends and the models I saw but my metabolism was not about to allow that. I also like to eat, so that didn’t help.
I’m biracial and grew up in the 1990s so it was a bit rough to find models that looked like me. I hated looking like I did because I didn’t look like anyone else. I didn’t appreciate or my curly hair until much later.

Through the years, I tried to stay skinny like my friends and the models I saw but my metabolism was not about to allow that. I also like to eat, so that didn’t help.

Fast Forward A Bit

Here I am in my 30s. I eat any and everything, I wear what I want and I do not care one bit what anyone thinks about how I look. I actually like my curves. I love my curls and keep them short to avoid complete loss of control. I gained 60 pounds before I got to this point, but I’m okay with that. I also gained more love for myself along the way.

I lost the 60 pounds because I was stressed and on the edge of filing for divorce. I was so unhappy with my life. I was constantly in the gym and barely ate. My doctor was a bit concerned with this because at the time, I had type 2 Diabetes and I was considered underweight.

This was not a good thing, because it could put more strain on my already stressed pancreas, make it stop working entirely, and would throw me into type 1. Nope. She recommended I gain about 10-15 lbs to help this issue.

I gained 60. Grief and depression will do bad things to your weight.

How did I learn to love myself again? Therapy. Lots of therapy. My therapist has helped guide me through the body issues I have had and learn to love myself.

Caring for Yourself leads to More Love

Tips:

  1. Appreciate what your body has done for you. My body has done a lot. Three kids. That’s a LOT. I’ve also survived a mini-stroke, thyroid surgery (the left side is no more) and I no longer have type 2. I’d say that’s a lot. Make a list if you need to, but try to remember what your body has done for you, and you will appreciate it a lot more.

  2. Remember what really helps those models and actresses out: filters, Photoshop, and other similar things. Models are models for a reason, they’re gorgeous. That is how the world operates. They do have help, however. That is where filters and other things come in to make you believe they never have a bad hair day (highly trained and well-paid hairstylists), breakouts (makeup artists) and are never bloated (trainers and Spanx). Maybe some of them are naturally that great looking, but it’s not without a ton of maintenance. Maintenance that most of us don’t begin to have time for.

  3. Self-esteem is a must. It is part of loving yourself. I have a whole Pinterest board devoted to quotes, and many of them are to remind myself of how awesome I am. If I am having a not so good day, I’ll take a peek at it. I had to start small and make a list of the things I liked about myself and my body, and build from there. Work on this part of yourself the best way that you can start small if you need to. The part that matters is that you start.

    • Believe that you are worth caring for. This is the BIGGEST part of self-care. You are worth caring for. Every second that you take to care for yourself is a good second.

    • Find things that you like that are soothing- everyone is different, so make it fun. Try something you have never tried, like meditation, yoga, spin classes, or going back to the gym. I really like meditation. I have a few apps and a podcast on my phone. I also enjoy coloring in adult coloring books and reading.

    • You don’t have to spend a lot of money to take care of yourself. Going to a park and just sitting on a bench is free, so is walking through that park. Lighting a candle that you’ve had for a while is free. Pinterest is full of suggestions for free and low-cost ideas for self-care.

    • Remind yourself to make the time. Write it in your planner or put it on your phone if you need to. After a while, it will become a routine. I ask myself every day if I have done something for myself, and if I haven’t, I will take 15 minutes to read, color or listen to a podcast.

    • Express yourself. This is a good way to care for yourself. Emotions can get bottled up easily. Journaling is a very good way to get your feelings out. Many types of art are also good- sculpting, pottery, painting, etc. As I mentioned earlier, I love to color. It may sound childlike, but it helps relieve anxiety and I feel a lot better when I am done.

It is not an easy task, but self-love is possible. The love is inside you just waiting to come out!

20 thoughts on “Thoughts on Self-Love

  1. Meg says:

    This post is really thought provocing. I don’t love myself but I don’t hate myself either. I’ve always been very skinny. I weight the same as a 10 year old boy at best. So any signs of bloating around my tummy makes me very insecure. At the same time I’m sick at the moment and am under a lot of stress which is causing me to break out with ringworm all over my body. I’ve always had soft skin, never had acne etc so having this blemish all over me makes me want to cry but I am also learning to deal with the ringworm until I can find away to get better. It’s starting to make me feel a little more unique rather than just another skinny, blemish free girl which is scary but also boosting my confidence a little too. Thank you for this great post. It’s defjnitely given me loads to think abojt

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rose Davis says:

    Beautiful post! I appreciate your vulnerability sharing this post and I think your recommendations are so helpful! We are always a work in progress, and self love can be such a difficult part of the journey. Best wishes to you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. graceinspiredhome says:

    Ahhh this is something I’m trying so hard to get control of! It is so incredibly hard to make myself a priority because it seems like my attention is always split between my 4 children, husband, house and now blog. I’ve noticed on my priority list that I’ve been non-existent… I need to change that. I’m trying. I’m fighting for it you know? ❤ Great reminder!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gardening love says:

    Treating yourself with love and kindness takes a lot of practice. The things I say to myself some days are horrible, unforgivable. They are things I wouldn’t dream of saying to another human being , yet I hurt myself with my negative thoughts. I put myself down, beat myself up, make myself cry. It’s sad that we have to remind ourselves of what we have achieved, what our bodies have been through just so that we can be kinder to ourselves. I shall re-read your post on my next down day to lift myself up.
    Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your Cruise Girl says:

    I need to do more self-care. My mom has a couple of serious health issues. And while she’s not bedridden or anything, all efforts and energy go to her first. Finding time for me after work, after blogging, after doctors appointments just seems impossible. I’ve put on weight and have no energy to do anything about it. I know I need to do better, but again, not for me, but so that I can continue to be there for mom. It’s really tough.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Amanda McCusker says:

    Thanks for your inspirational post! Self-care really is the most important thing. That is something that I have found only recently within the past couple years. I used to try to take care of my young daughter, my husband, and my family and friends, but not myself. I got really burned out really quickly. It took me a while to figure out what needed to change. Yoga helped me find the way, but the secret seems to be self care. Then you can offer to others from a filled cup. Have a great week!

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