Book Review- “Black Pain”

Thanks to Bonnie for recommending this month’s book- “Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting”. This was a great book. It was definitely an eye-opener. I admire the author for opening up and telling her story because sharing your pain, no matter where you are in life, sucks.

She tells her story while letting others share theirs, which is something I do on this blog. I think it’s important to let others tell their stories as a way to give hope to others and you may never know who may get something out of it. These blog posts are a few examples of others telling their stories:

Guest Post with Adam

Guest Post with Carissa

Guest Post with Brynn

Clearly, I don’t know any famous people but I don’t think that really matters. (However, if Demi Lovato, Stevie Nicks or Gillian Flynn happen to ever read this blog and want to say something, I’m not stopping them.)

Terrie did a wonderful job looking at depression from different perspectives. It’s important to not have a close-minded view of depression or any mental health issue in general. That’s how things get misconstrued and stigmas occur.

There are some lines in this book that really stood out for me- I actually made notes so I wouldn’t forget them.

“A loss of a friend pushed Ellin to the edge, but it was the love of friends that brought her back”

I cannot say how much truth there is to this line. I went a bit over the edge after losing Jake. My family, therapist and Matthew helped, but my friends have been priceless. My friend Scott almost dragged me out of my house countless times in the first few months. I barely made it to lunch some days but Scott never gave up. He’s a great lunch date and one of the funniest people I know.

“When people only look at you physically, it is easy to start to see yourself only in a physical sense”


I really struggled with seeing myself as more than just a set of boobs and a pretty face. Thanks to how my own husband saw me, that’s what I felt reduced to. I forgot that I was smart, funny, creative, etc.

I lost 60 lbs over a couple of years mainly due to stress. I’m sure spending 4 days a week in the gym helped, but I really wasn’t taking care of myself. It is easy to forget who you are when others make it easy to do so. Thankfully this changed. Jake helped me remember that I’m so much more. Matthew apparently paid attention because he suddenly remembered all of this.

“Very few suicidal people want to die. They just don’t want to live the way they’re living.” – Althea Hawkins


I believe this so much. I’ve watched friends and family struggle with suicidal thoughts and attempts. People sometimes reach a point that they feel they cannot keep going anymore. That’s when tragedies happen.

The last part of the book emphasizes the importance of a support system. Everyone needs support. Nobody is meant to go through life alone, especially not the tough parts.

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