**Trigger Warning: sexual assault is briefly mentioned in this post.**
I saw Fiona Apple live years ago with my best friends, Ashley and Tyson. I’d share pictures, but I don’t think they are exactly blog-appropriate. I’ll leave it at that it was a very fun night and as usual, we had a few adventures that still make us laugh hysterically. We have been friends for many years (Tyson and I have known each other since elementary school) so this just adds to the comedy.
Fiona came onto the music scene in the late 1990s with her first album and many were like “Whoa, what is that?” I was one of many who thought that way. She has a low-pitched voice that makes you want to hear more, and I definitely wanted more. Tyson plays the piano very well, and he was wide-eyed at the concert. Ashley loved both aspects, so we were delighted at the concert.
I chose “Criminal” after some serious debate.
“I gotta cleanse myself of all these lies until I’m good enough for him”
That is some realness. Fiona was sexually assaulted at 12, and I can’t imagine the pain that causes, emotionally and physically. I’ve read that her music was an outlet for her afterward. Sometimes you feel so wretched, so dirty after something that awful, you have to clean yourself inside and out until you feel okay for someone to like or love you.
I can’t really speak for Fiona, but that’s the way I interpret it. In my own case, I had to confess everything that I did with Jake to Matthew and that was one of the worst conversations I’ve ever had. Tears were everywhere and it was awful. It took a long time before I could feel like I was good enough for him again. As my former therapist said, I’m still a good person- I did something that wasn’t good.
I’ve been able to make up for this in every way that I can- I would never cheat again.