The Joys of Slacker Parenting

I’m writing this in the middle of a pandemic. In Kentucky, almost everything is closed because our governor, Andy Beshear, ordered as such.

We stan a calm and efficient governor. Our last one was a disaster. If you’re in Kentucky, you probably get what I mean.

At this point, the kids are doing work online and we have no idea of they will go back this year. I hope so. Julian is graduating from middle school in May or whenever.

When the kids were younger, I was probably a “helicopter mom”. Now? Not so much.

I figure these kids can use a bit of space (literally) and learn how to do things on their own without me being in their face all the time. I’m not always going to be there to remind them of things.

It’s good to teach your kids independence. They need that ability to figure out something to do when they’re bored and not cling to you as their personal source of fun. This is where slacker parenting comes in.

What is slacker parenting? This is my take:

-less worry about the little things

-giving your kid(s) more independence

-not hovering

-but yet remaining firm (my kids know there are things I won’t tolerate)

-and of course, love. Lots of it.

It took me a while, but after a few disasters and close calls, I’m mostly like….*shrugs*

Mom’s Not Feeling Great Today

I have two chronic medical issues-RA and migraines. Both have slightly held me back from continuing the ” helicopter mom” that I was. Sometimes, I just don’t have the energy. Stress exacerbates both of my issues.

The biggest joy of slacker parenting? Less stress for everyone.

Oh, and learned independence, an increased sense of humor, and possibly a better understanding of your kids.

Total win.

A Word About Neglect

There’s a difference between slacker parenting and obvious neglect.

When kids are neglected, it shows. It is different for every kid, but most appear in dirty/non fitting clothes, to not want friends to come over, may hoard food, and may display a range of emotions.

There’s usually other issues that go along with neglect- alcohol and/or drug abuse, physical/verbal/sexual or other kinds of abuse. Parenting standards are very low, if not non-existent. This is also where authorities probably need to come in.

I don’t promote neglectful parenting- this is a terrible idea. I do, however, promote stepping back, making sure everyone is in one piece, clean and fed. We only get to do parenting once. Let’s have some fun and relax while doing it.

Where do you fall in the realm of slacker parenting?

Picture of the kids is my own, meme is from my Facebook.

RA and Me Part Two

I shared the story of the beginning of my journey with RA in RA and Me

I’m back for part two. I went back to my rheumatologist in March. It’s a new one because the original married and moved, but the one I got in her place is so incredibly nice.

The Official Check-In

I got a new set of X-rays and labs done to check my joints and various levels in my blood. Those X-rays showed slight inflammatory damage in both hips, but all the other joints are good.

The labs came back great. My liver, which gets a daily beating thanks to the meds I’m on, is back to normal functioning.

I’ve been sober for over two years, so this is fantastic news. However, I’m seronegative for RA, so one of the few ways that my rheumatologist can see anything is through X-rays.

If I happen to have a lot of inflammation when I see her, she can feel it or see an elevated white blood cell count in my labs.

I attempted sulfasalazine (an anti-inflammatory) for a month, but had a delayed allergic reaction. It turns out my sister (who has lupus) is also allergic to sulfur-based medications, but I didn’t know this until after I got sick.

My liver enzymes shot up and I spent a week mostly in bed. I lost a few pounds because I couldn’t eat. I had a full body rash, which was not attractive. I even had to push back my batch writing for that week.

I ended up in the ER for severe right side pain and that wasn’t fun. It turned out I had a stomach bug on top of this mess.

My rheumatologist immediately took me off this medication and I’m never touching a sulfur-based medication again. Yikes.

The Daily Grind

I have issues every day. Some days, it is a struggle to get out of bed. I am either too tired, in a lot of pain, or both. Some days, I feel great and can tackle lots of things.

Over Spring Break, I went with the kids to a silo in a nearby park, which contains 120 steps.

No problem. I walked up, down, and went home. I didn’t do much for the rest of the day.

The next day, we went to Bernheim Forest to see the Giants. They are large wooden structures, but this required lots of walking. We walked a bit over three miles. I was tired when we got home, and my right knee and hip had hurt a bit off and on.

Giant pic

Kids and I at Bernheim Forest, Spring Break 2019

I spent the next day in bed. I was exhausted. Everything hurt and I kept dozing off. I didn’t do much besides showering. Even so, I don’t let this hold me back. I have to live my life and do things.

My immune system is garbage but at least I won’t get malaria. Plaquenil has taken care of that. However, if you’re sick, I’ll probably catch whatever it is. Don’t even look my way…just kidding.

There’s still a lot that I want and need to do. Life doesn’t stop when you get a diagnosis such as rheumatoid arthritis. It changes and some days are tough, but I am not stopping.

My grandfather managed to live a full life despite his medical issues, one being RA. That’s my goal. I want to do fun activities with my kids, yoga, and other things. I just have to take breaks and otherwise care for myself. I have to listen to my body.

I’m trying to see this diagnosis in the best way I can. I have a lot of support, a great sense of humor and a good rheumatologist. Next up is a local walk for autism awareness.

It’s Not Always Easy

I took Julian and Lily with me to the March appointment- there was no school due to the teachers protesting in Frankfort. They were a little bored, but I think they may understand a little more what is going on.

When you’re a kid, it’s hard to see a parent in a lot of pain and/or tired a lot. This is even worse when you don’t get why. They have been a bit more understanding since then, so I guess it paid off.

On the days I can’t do much, I try my hardest to make things as easy as I can on them. I might ask them to help with laundry or other smaller chores, but that’s it. They are used to this because of the migraines, but it doesn’t make it easier.

I move slowly and the boys jokingly call me a turtle. I just tell them that the turtle can’t make dinner if she moves too fast and they get quiet pretty quickly.

Having RA is not easy but I choose to find a way to get through it, even on the bad days.

Are you a parent with a chronic condition? How do you handle it?

RA and Me

I wrote a post a while back about having chronic illnesses and being a mom. Chronic Conditions and Momming was written before my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis.

1. My older sister has lupus and we had the same rheumatologist at one point. Once we discovered this, we thought it was hilarious. There’s a lot of rheumatologists in Louisville, and we ended up with the same one?

2. My grandfather had severe RA. He died in 2016 at the age of 83. His hands were curled up from the severe joint deformities. He took medications for it, but still had issues that weren’t able to be reversed.

3. I am currently taking a mild medication daily. I had to wait for my thyroid meds to be regulated before I could start RA meds. That sucked but things are good in this area. (Short version: I’m on Levothyroxine due to a partial thyroidectomy in 2017.) Joint pain is REAL.

4. My biggest issues? Joint pain in my hands, knees, and hips. Like many others, I’m super stiff in the mornings and it takes at least an hour to loosen up. Hot showers help. Moving around does help but also hurts. Eventually, the stiffness goes away. Usually. If it doesn’t, then it’s a bad pain day, which leads me to #5.

5. I don’t like taking pain meds. They make me tired and nobody has time for that mess. I usually won’t take them unless I can barely move. I’ll use a heating pad, massage, stretch, etc. The pain meds I do have, however, are non-narcotic.

My doctor is pretty smart- probably not a good idea to prescribe a recovering alcoholic hardcore narcotics. She probably enjoys having a license to practice.
Rheumatoid arthritis sucks. I hate missing out on things because I’m tired, hurting, or both.

Pic with Cameron

It’s possible to live life with chronic conditions. I have two. Some days are just worse than others. I can get through them with humor and my support system.

If you have a chronic condition, how do you get through it?