Merry Christmas!

It’s one of the best days of the year at my house- lots of food and fun things to open. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, have an awesome day! If this is a hard day for you, hugs. Christmas doesn’t equal happiness for everyone. Take care of yourself.

Pusheen says Merry…Meowy Christmas, too. Tails and Miss Purr got a new toy to play in.

Pusheen Christmas

There are changes coming to the blog, so stay tuned for updates. Thanks for reading!

Wrae

Guest Post With Gina

I have a guest post today! I haven’t had one in a while- enjoy Gina’s post on getting kids to embrace healthy habits.

We all want our kids to be fit, whole, and healthy for at least some of their lives. The problem is that kids learn best from what they see, not what you say. Healthy habits for kids begins with you – the parent – taking care of yourself first. That’s your best way to create a family-health home.

6 HEALTHY HABITS FOR KIDS THAT YOU MUST DO FIRST

If you want to create a great life for your kids, begin by helping yourself to have a great life. Here are six ways to get started:

healthy habits for kids

1. Staying – Or Getting – In Shape

I’m not going to lie – getting in shape takes discipline. Starting a fitness routine when you’ve never really committed before takes a huge act of will. The trick is really to trick yourself. You can make goals and push yourself to get them down. Here are some things that have worked for me:

  • Find partners to keep you accountable. Or, go to a gym or sign up with a meetup group of like-minded people who want to get fit together.
  • Do a workout you like. Right now for me, that’s Crossfit, but other fitness routines that have worked for me have included yoga, kickboxing, hiking, and Zumba. What is the workout that you’d like to do for yourself?
  • Set up a reward system. After a year of workouts, I received a shirt at my gym for my 150th visit. My next reward comes at 300 visits. To inspire myself, I’m setting goals in increments of 50. At each level (200, 250, 300), I will reward myself, with each treat getting better. This will culminate in a full day spa treatment for my final reward!
  • Make it easy. Whether or not you are a member at a gym, you can work out at home. That way, there are no excuses – even if it snows. (Although shoveling *might* be a good enough workout for you, depending on how much snow there is!) Go on Youtube and watch free videos that feature yoga, dance or workout programs; you may even want to buy some workout videos,. Do whatever you need to make sure you can exercise in your home.

2. The Food In Your Fridge

We cannot expect our kids to develop healthy habits if we are squirreling away treats for ourselves. And guess what? Even if you think they don’t notice, I assure you, they DO. TRUST ME ON THIS.

So stop it. Extra sugary treats aren’t going to help your waistline or your gut health. Seriously, if you want a sweet treat, have an occasional glass of wine, or do the MIND diet and have a small glass of wine daily. (No kidding, this is part of the anti-Alzheimer’s diet!)

Now, go take stock – what’s in your fridge and cabinets? It should be mostly legumes, fruits and veggies that your system can tolerate, a lesser amount of healthy cuts of meat, fish, and poultry (as in, grass-fed, MCS certified or pastured), and fewer carbs.

For example, I LOOOOOVE pasta and was raised with eating it every few days. Today, I try instead to eat bean pasta or spaghetti squash. (This is not for everyone – my husband won’t get on board!) If your kids love pasta, you can make this switch depending on their age. (Kids love the sauce mostly!) For others, it might take some time, but again, if you experiment with different vegetables and love it, then they’ll likely follow suit!

healthy habits for kids

3. Drink Your Water!

I’ve heard you need to drink anywhere from 50-70% of your body weight! That’s a lot of water but again, the kids are watching! I love drinking water because my dad made a ritual of it: special glass with a handle, loaded with ice cubes, that sat out all day and no one, I mean NO ONE was allowed to touch it. (I did one time and that’s one of the rare times I incurred Dad’s wrath before my teen years.)

So go ahead, make your water drinking a daily ritual. And make sure it’s clean water too, ok? You can buy a special glass, keep a bottle with you at all times, drink seltzer with fruit, eat water veggies, consider buying a water cooler – whatever it takes to make sure you get your daily intake of water.

4. Sleep – It’s Not Just For Kids!

Parents agonize over getting their kids to sleep…it took Zoe until she was 5 to sleep through the night!! We know that our kids require this health habits, but when it comes to our needs, we just stay up as long and as late as we like. But impaired sleep can affect everything, from your heart health to your focus, your productivity, and your mental well-being, not to mention derailing your workout. If you don’t know why you aren’t sleeping, you have to solve this issue. Some possible contributors include:

  • adrenal fatigue
  • sleep apnea
  • dietary issues
  • menopause
  • bladder problems
  • stress and overwhelm
  • poor mattress
  • other health issues, like restless leg syndrome

Getting to the bottom of stress or physical health issues is critical in making your sleep better. If you’re not sure of the cause, consult with your doctor.

5. Well Care When You’re Sick

Now I’m going to say something you won’t like: take care of yourself when you are sick! Way too many people simply keep their same schedule and then dose with OTC drugs. Unfortunately, you are often extending the life of your illness by doing this because you are suppressing the body’s system for clearing illness – such as a fever. Naturally, we all have commitments we cannot avoid, but as much as possible, use sick time for when you are truly sick. Or work from home, if you can. Rest, relax, and make a fresh bowl of chicken soup.

I’ve told this story before but last year, we all got some version of the stomach flu. My kids, the healthiest people in our home because of my diligence, were each sick for about 8 hours. I was sick for nearly 25. My husband? 3 days. It matters what you eat, how you sleep, and if you take care of your gut health, just like exercise matters too. None of us did any OTC drugs; we just chilled out and let it runs its course, mainly because when you’re only sick for a few hours, you don’t even think about the doctor (although my husband did)! In fact, he might have gone – I can’t remember.

healthy habits for kids

6. Taking Care Of Your Own Mental Health

And finally, you need to take care of your brain. That means a lot of things, including getting exercise, good food, enough sleep, and having healthy relationships. It also means:.

  • Taking time for self-care and moments of rest or relaxation throughout your day.
  • Managing your daily stress.
  • Cutting back on an oppressive workload or overcommitment.
  • Working through issues that impact your mental health, like childhood trauma

PARENTING THROUGH YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

Not everyone has childhood trauma but for those who do, it’s important you deal with your trauma so those issues don’t impact your family in a negative way. Making the connection between childhood trauma and adult illnesses and relationship problems can be challenging, but it can be tremendously freeing. It can guide you on the road to creating healthy habits for your kids.  It also enables you to start the healing process.

If you feel like you’ve been swimming against some invisible current for years, it’s a relief to know where it may be coming from, says science journalist Donna Jackson Nakazawa in Psychology Today’s online forum.

Taking the quiz on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) is the first and most important step toward healing, according to Nakazawa. Understanding whether you’ve been affected by childhood trauma can help you start taking steps to undo it – and perhaps try some new approaches with your children.  Here is some science-based advice from StressHealth.org:

healthy habits for kids

  1. Realize it’s not your fault. As experts on trauma have pointed out, “It’s not about what is wrong with you; it’s about what happened to you.” This is the start of a healing journey.
  2. Stressed out? Take some deep breaths. Stopping what you’re doing for a few minutes to breathe tamps down your stress response, according to Harvard Health Publishing. Encourage your kids to breathe deeply or even join you in a few minutes of meditation. If you find you’re continually on the verge of a meltdown, consider seeing a mental health professional for help.
  3. Build in some rituals. Scientists say that routines and rituals are critical for healthy child development. Cooking and eating together, playing Scrabble and other board games,  taking a walk around the neighborhood, reading to your kids at bedtime, even sorting clothes together – all these “anchoring” rituals can help create closer, more loving relationships with your children, according to Barbara Greenberg, PhD, a teen, child, and family psychologist licensed in Connecticut and New York. All of these ideas are a great foundation for building healthy habits for your kids. Participating in community traditions that build a sense of belonging is also invaluable, says ACEs expert Dr. Robert Sege of Massachusetts.
  4. Consider taking a parenting class, especially if you often find yourself yelling or acting in ways you’d rather not. A recent study found these five parenting programs especially effectivein reducing drug use, aggression, and anxiety in the teen years. “Of course, it’s important to realize that when it comes to parenting, not one size fits all,” said Dr. Greenberg. “The class has to make sense for your parenting style and temperament. If the class doesn’t feel right for you, try a different one.”
  5. Give your child more undivided attention. Start by putting away your smartphone when you talk with your kids – or when you’re interacting with your baby. Scientists have found that babies develop back-and-forth “conversations” without language by the time they’re 11 months old, but they need to know that you’re listening. She may not develop the needed brain circuitry if her brain isn’t stimulated by talking with an attentive parent, so be sure your phone doesn’t come between you and our child.

With these steps and knowledge of your own childhood trauma, you’ll likely find it easier to help your child be happy and resilient.

Remember that healthy habits for kids start with you and your physical and mental health. Learn how to heal from toxic stress at Stress Health.

Adjusting to a New World

Many parents, myself included, envision parenting as this wonderful adventure in which kids develop at the pace they should, play instruments and/or sports, learn to drive, go to prom and all that great stuff.

But what happens when those things are altered because of a special needs diagnosis?

Cry a little

The Big Change

Some parents find out about their child’s diagnosis before or right after birth, in cases of Spinal Bifida, Cerebral Palsy and Down’s Syndrome. I know parents of kids with these diagnoses, and it has been life changing for these families. All of them have other kids without any special needs.

The adjustment is hard. I cried my way through Lily’s evaluation for First Steps the day before her first birthday, even though I knew something was not going right. I knew she needed more help than what I could give her. That story can be found in Special Needs Round Two . When her diagnosis of global delays was given, I was even more devastated. The blame game began. It took a lot of talking with Lily’s speech therapist, Denise, to realize that it wasn’t my fault that she was developmentally delayed. We are in the process of getting Lily re-evaluated. At ten, she is still showing signs of issues that we thought she had grown out of. Cross your fingers for us- we may need it.

In Julian’s case, it’s been a tougher road. His psychiatric nurse practitioner, Ann, once said that we have adjusted wonderfully as a family to Julian’s needs. I almost hugged her. I explained to her that it has not been easy and it remains a somewhat rugged path. My question is: Why not adjust? Julian is wired differently and that’s okay. If we didn’t adjust, he would feel badly about himself and I couldn’t bear the thought of this. It would also cause so much chaos for him that he doesn’t need or deserve. It would do the same for the rest of us. Why do that?

He needs the ability to feel okay about who he is, quirks and all. We’ve enjoyed watching him grow and finally develop a sense of humor. Every kid needs that, with or without a diagnosis. In a home with medical issues, this is a necessity.

I have made many mistakes in raising Julian (and his siblings). Even after reading up, trying many different things, therapy for both of us, getting Matthew on board and lots of burnt dinners in the process, things remain interesting. Julian is now 12 and puberty is kicking in.

Learning that your child has a medical and/or physical special needs diagnosis is complex. Some parents grieve the life they feel their child “should have had”. This is a rough one for me, as I’ve never done this. I can see this happening with kids with severe medical problems. A high school friend of mine has a child with spinal bifida and she lives a full life. Instead of being devastated and staying in a hole as some might, Shelly and her kids go out and do all kinds of neat things. Ryan is eight, and she is one of the coolest kids ever. She’s a tiny fighter. Some parents, like myself, are devastated and are not sure where to go next. Some fall into the “research pattern” and find all kinds of information to know exactly what to do.

This can be a great thing- I have read up a lot on Julian’s diagnoses and it didn’t hurt to work with kids with similar issues. (It did physically hurt some days, but that’s another story. I learned a lot from that job.) Some parents, sadly, go into denial. This can be damaging to everyone involved, and I highly recommend seeing a therapist, church member, or another trusted person. If it’s your partner, this can get really bad quickly, and I definitely know the pain of where it can go. Please do what you can to change that path. Talking can help. Easing your partner into information, appointments, and other things can help. Just don’t force them, because that can make things worse.

I recommend reading up, asking questions, and getting all the help from the medical community you can. The more information you have, the more empowered you feel to help your child. Julian’s been very lucky- he has had a great team from day one, because I wouldn’t let him have anything less. I’m a proud mama shark.

Never give up

It’s okay to feel different things- don’t let anyone make you feel different. Julian was diagnosed almost seven years ago, and some days I still feel overwhelmed. As of writing this post, I’m about to battle it out with his school over his IEP because it’s currently not being followed. Some days are better than others. Some days are absolutely great, some are so bad that you want to devour a liter of Cherry Coke, a bag of salt and vinegar chips and call it a day. (Okay, maybe that’s just me. I didn’t do all of that, but I considered it.) If you’re overwhelmed, write it out. Get someone to help you sort out your feelings.

Making The Best of Things

Daily life also changes. Depending on the diagnosis, your child may need assistance with everything, or nothing at all. This can become time-consuming and require an overhaul of your routine as you knew it. Food may need to be altered due to sensory issues- I live in a house with two kids with sensory issues, and I gave up on those battles years ago. Julian won’t eat french fries if he can see the potato skins or if they aren’t super warm. Lily won’t eat anything that resembles soup, any pasta that isn’t spaghetti, mainly because it looks different. Julian actually had a meltdown once over the shape of pasta my father in law used for dinner. These changes can be irritating to make, but they are necessary for the world our kids live in. I’ve learned to look inside Julian’s mind a bit, probably because of my work, and try to see the world as he does. It can get hard, but it’s worth it. Explaining this to others can get even harder, even your partner.

Small steps

It takes time to adjust- it won’t happen overnight. It takes time to learn how your child’s machines work, or how to get the wheelchair to fit in your van. Give yourself space to make those mistakes. I completely screwed up Julian’s 12th birthday party by inviting too many people, which cause him to shut down at the end, but I’m pretty sure he still likes me. He used to get mad at me when I would hold onto him with a death grip in parking lots and large stores, but he had a bad record of eloping. It was terrifying to have to run after a very fast 5 year old, especially in a parking lot. He was seven before I let him walk more than a foot or two away from me. (I never used a leash because I hate those things.)

If you’ve got a kid who takes things literally, you have to change how you talk to them. For example, I once told Julian to drop the jar of jelly he was holding after he was told not to eat anything. I was making dinner and he didn’t need to eat so soon before.

He dropped the jar.

Major mom fail.

Thankfully, the jar was plastic. That would have been an awful mess otherwise. Matthew and I have had to re-think things before we say them, because Julian thinks differently, and so does Lily, to an extent. We are still trying to figure out her thought patterns. She doesn’t quite think on a 10-year-old level, so we have to tread carefully.

Super parent

Final Thoughts and Tips:

If you have to buy things to keep your house, kid and car safe, do it. You’ll thank yourself later.

It really does take a village. I have friends that have kids with all kinds of physical/ developmental disabilities. A few have kids with autism, and they have been so helpful when I’ve needed them.

Being a parent of a special needs kid will make you a different person. I’ve fought for Julian since day one. Lily’s issues haven’t required so much of a fight, but I would do the same for her. It makes you tougher and less likely to take people’s crap.

Breathe and find something that makes you laugh. Comedy will get you through anything.

Get a binder and organize all of your kid’s paperwork. Julian and Lily have their own binders.

You are not alone, and get help if you need it. Take time for you, because your kids need Mom at her best. If you’re tired, sad and cranky, that’s not your best.

If you have other kids, let them be involved in adjustments. It’s not easy to be the sibling of a special needs kid. My kids have been pretty good about Julian, but it can get hard for us as parents. Cameron and Lily have a post about this in The Siblings’ Turn

Allow your child to live their best life. If they can do it- let them. My friend Laura Leigh’s son, Levi, is seven. He is in a wheelchair due to Cerebral Palsy, and he is an awesome kid. He smiles for days, gives his younger sister Presley wheelchair rides and loves school. I let Julian run cross country in the fifth grade and he loved it. We have a rule that his diagnoses aren’t excuses for not behaving. He does have bad days, but he doesn’t get to say, “I’ve got autism, so I get to act like that”, “I forgot my ADHD meds, that’s why I’m like this today”.

Most of all, love and accept your child the way they are. It might sound weird that I wrote that, but it is saddening that many parents don’t. Acceptance and love matters- it’s everything.

Quotes courtesy of Pinterest

Recommended Reading: The Spark: A Mother’s Story of Nurturing Genius

Twin Mummy and Daddy

Ten (More) Fun Facts About Me

I shared some facts about myself many months ago in a previous post Fun Facts

Ready for more fun facts?

1. I’ve dyed my hair just about every shade of red. I love red hair but clearly wasn’t born with it. There have been a few disasters but it was fun while it lasted. I went back to my natural color, black, because Lily couldn’t remember what my hair looked like when it wasn’t red. One of the kids I worked with called me “Redhair” because it stood out so much.

2. I can’t bake. Many muffins and cookies have been burnt in my attempts but it just hasn’t worked out.

3. I can put on lipstick without a mirror, but other makeup requires a mirror.

4. I’m the only person in my immediate family with a BA. My older sister is a pharmacy tech.

5. I learned how to read when I was three years old.

6. I’m afraid of deep water. I don’t go in water deeper than 5 feet.

7. My favorite poet is Lang Leav.

8. The makeup I wear the most is mascara. I get cranky when I’m critically low. I prefer waterproof because as my grandmother once told me “You never know when you might cry.” She introduced me to makeup and it’s been a love affair ever since.

9. I’m not a morning person. I’m stiff (most mornings) thanks to RA and I have to take thyroid medication when I get up. I’m a snail until I am ready to interact with others. If I have something to do, I set an alarm super early because I know it will be a struggle.

10. I love cherry flavored almost anything but I don’t like cherries. Weird.

That’s it for now!