A Year in Books

I haven’t had time to do a book review since my break, but I will likely bring them back in 2020. No worries, I haven’t stopped reading.

This post is a bit of a refresher or maybe even a first time read if you’re new.

Enjoy!

One of my top ten favorite books

Gone Girl

A memoir of a mom in recovery- I hope she remains sober. It’s a daily struggle.

I’m Just Happy To Be Here

A mother has to make tough decisions.

72 Hour Hold

Book? Movie? You decide which is better.

Fight Club

Friendship is EVERYTHING.

Valley of the Dolls

All the Wishes and Dreams

Many years ago, I knew I wanted to have kids.

At one point, four sounded great, but that got cut after Cameron was born. He was a tough baby and now he’s my most chilled-out kid.

Three is enough at this house. I have friends who have more than three, and I wonder how they do it.

Every parent that I’ve ever met has some sort of wish or dreams for their kids. Mine probably isn’t much different from theirs.

Kid pic

Doesn’t he look thrilled?

The Biggest Wish

I want my kids to live a life that they love. College is still debatable for the boys, and Lily hasn’t said much about it. I don’t think a college degree is necessary to go into an occupation.

My career required a degree, but not all do. I could have become a CNA and possibly made more, but due to RA, I’d probably have to stop at some point if not already.

My theory is: if it’s paying your bills, legal and you like it, then I support it.

Our school system has programs at each high school that students can go into for a career if they decide not to go to college. I think this is a great idea. Cameron is in a machine tool, computer-aided design (CAD) and engineering program.

He’s following in his grandfather and uncle’s footsteps. Matthew was NOT interested.

Julian is looking at programs and thinks a graphic design program might be a good idea. He loves computers and video games and loved to draw when he was younger.

If this is what makes them happy and fulfilled, who am I to stop them?

Of course, there’s more to life than working, so I hope they have a partner that they can be happy with and friends who they can be themselves with and are there when they need them. I also hope they remain passionate about what they like and believe in.

You can read more on my thoughts about my kids going to college here

Zoo selfie

Remember Who You Are

This was my grandfather’s biggest lesson to everyone in the family and it’s on his headstone.

In my kids’ case, I hope they remember that they can always come home and I’ll be here.

This also means being yourself and never running away from or changing that. That never ends well- I tried it and I was miserable.

In part of knowing who you are, I hope my kids never, ever accept being treated less than they deserve- because they deserve the best person for them. This also means never treating anyone with less respect because they’re different in any way. I think that lesson has been extensively covered.

Accepting people for who they are and where they are in life is a huge value of mine and I’ve worked so hard to teach my kids this. I think Cameron and Lily have learned a lot about acceptance, thanks to Julian.

I also hope my kids accept themselves as they are- nobody is perfect and I don’t expect anything close from them.

Funny meme

Adulting is a TRAP

I joke about this, but adulting is tough.

My boys can’t wait to hit 18, then 21 years old. They can do all the “fun things”.. Like pay bills and work?

I’m huge on self-sufficiency. No kid in this house is moving out unable to take care of themselves. All of them can cook in the microwave (we’re working on the stove), do laundry, clean the house (some better than others) and other things.

Welcome to the Future

At some point, I’m probably going to become a grandmother.

I plan to spoil them terribly and send them home.

I haven’t always been the best mom, but I’ve always loved my kids. I think they know this, and maybe my parenting will get passed down- the humorous parts, hopefully. They can do without the drinking part.

I hope my kids are great parents- they’ve seen me do my best with very little, struggle with my health (physical and emotional) and still be an okay mom.

Mainly, I want these kids to have more. We’ve struggled financially and it’s not fun for anyone involved. It’s stressful and can break a family.

I know their lives will hit difficult periods- I hope I’ve armed them with the tools to get through those times.

Just an Ordinary Mom

I’m just a mom writing a blog of my thoughts. I don’t wish or hope for much with my kids. I’d love to see where their lives lead them. I’m trying to stay healthy (and mobile) enough to do so.

For further reading:

What I want my kids to know about Friendship

We Have to Stick Together

Parenting

I’ve read a lot about parenting.

I’ve been a mom for fourteen years- Cameron was born in January 2005. (Yikes.)

There’s a lot of moms out there that try their hardest to demonstrate that parenting is easy.

I don’t know what planet they live on, but this is not easy.

Unless you are lucky enough to have nannies or other in-home help, you’re not sleeping much for a while after you have a baby. They aren’t the greatest sleepers. Some babies gracefully sleep all night at an early age and at that point, you may want to build a shrine to the parenting gods.

I almost did when Lily slept through the night before I went to work after her birth. Her brothers wouldn’t have thought about this.

The toddler and preschool years?

You love your kid, but are also ready to list them for sale on Etsy about three minutes after they terrify the cat.

This is the time where they learn so much and repeat things they probably shouldn’t. Break out the phones for those moments.

When kindergarten hits, be ready for tears.

Elementary school is full of fun and adventure… Just wait for the middle school. I’m currently there and, wow, is it full of things I never saw.

Pets, Stinky Feet and Sancti-Mommies

We’ve had a few pets along the way. Tiger was with us for a few months and sadly, we had to say goodbye after a tumor ruptured on his leg.

It was bad enough to make that decision, but it was worse to have to tell the kids. I couldn’t fix Tiger’s leg and keep him with us.

Tails and Miss Purr, along with the turtles, Biggie Smalls and Lightning, complete our house. We love them- they are family members.

Tails

Stinky feet are everywhere at my house. These kids are gross. They shower all the time.

The preteen and teenage stage…

Double yikes.

There’s so many things to explain- drugs, alcohol, mean girls and boys, sex, and the list goes on. As Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast.

He wasn’t kidding.

Then, there’s the moms that think their way is the best and that they are better than everyone else.

Whew….

They have tons to learn.

First of all, should they have a child with any kind of special needs, they are entirely screwed. Your mindset changes and throwing shade at other moms isn’t going to give you the support you are going to need.

Once these moms become known for their less-than-polite ways, who really wants to be within a mile of that?

I don’t.

As Ariana Grande says, thank you, next.

I’m all for research and opinions, but there are ways to express these respectfully. It’s possible to be nice and say what you think.

Parenting is the roughest job that many of us will ever have, unless you’re a first responder, logger, or something equally tough.

We need to stick together and remember all of us are doing the best we can. This goes for moms of newborns, elementary school-aged kids, even adults. It’s tough out there.

If you know a mom (or dad) who is struggling, try to help them out. It might be the best thing anyone does for them in a while.

Until next week, hang in there and try to laugh off your kid’s latest adventure.

Pics courtesy of pixels and pinterest

Book Review: “Girl, Interrupted”

This month’s book review is for another movie/book combo.

Feel free to comment or email me with your thoughts at wraemsanders@gmail.com.

I’m not sure which I like more- the book was intriguing, but the movie is a bit more in-depth. I guess it depends on whether you are more of a book or movie person.

**TRIGGER WARNING** This book review does briefly discuss suicidal thoughts, attempts, and similar topics. Please read at your own discretion.

Book cover

Title and why I chose this book:

“Girl, Interrupted” by Susanna Kaysen

It’s not often that people tell their story of mental illness- at least not from the time frame that Susanna does. This book was based on her story in the 1960s when it wasn’t acceptable to tell anyone you had a mental illness, much less write a book about it. I think it’s interesting to look at a person’s story from another angle, even if it’s a different time.

Who do I think this book is intended for?

If you aren’t familiar with what it was like to be a patient in a mental health facility during this time period, Susanna’s story will give you a peek into it. Many of us are a bit curious about that, myself included. I think it’s because of my work in similar facilities. I’ve read quite a bit about facilities in the past and how patients were treated, and it wasn’t always positive.

What did I like about this book?

I like Susanna’s honesty. She breaks down her thoughts and the events that occur in the story so that the reader can understand exactly what is going on. Some of those events may be a little hard for us to comprehend because we weren’t there to witness them, but she tries her best.

What didn’t I like about this book?

I thought that the book could have been a little longer, I think it ended a bit abruptly. Everyone has their opinions on this, so maybe it’s just me. The tone of the book was a bit formal for me, but I had to remind myself of the time the book was set in.

Plot:

Susanna is hospitalized at McLean Hospital in 1967. Her hospital paperwork is actually included in the book, with some things blacked out. This wouldn’t have happened today, thanks to HIPAA. I’ve seen this in other books, but it still astounds me.

She is hospitalized following a suicide attempt- I won’t include details, but she does detail the attempt and events that follow it. She also discusses suicidal thoughts and means.

I had a laugh while reading her description of “maximum security” and McLean’s checks system. This is the way that mental health workers (“orderlies” in the book) are able to assess patients on a 1:1 (constant), 7.5, 15 or 30-minute basis for their safety. Try doing 7.5-minute checks while hugely pregnant. I did this while pregnant with Lily and it was a bit challenging.

Susanna signed herself in voluntarily and thought she would be there for two weeks- this became almost two years. She got along with her roommate and the other patients around her, and after her release, was able to find two of them. She was released after she was offered a proposal for marriage.

What was Susanna’s diagnosis? I won’t spoil that for you. It’s in her paperwork.

I’ll let you find it in the book.

Quote that I liked:

“Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified.”

Just because you’re broken inside doesn’t mean you’re “crazy”. Everyone’s a little broken, right?

Come back next month for another book review!

Picture courtesy of Google