Kids have to learn a lot while growing up. One of the biggest lessons is respect- for themselves, us as their parents, and others. This can get a bit difficult, as some feel entitled to everything they lay their eyes on.
I’m not really sure where this begins, but it happens quite often. Sometimes it begins with getting everything you want as a small child and it continues, sometimes it is out of guilt, maybe both. It’s a combination of factors that differ with each family and situation.
Disrespect is not cute, it’s also not funny. It can be a sign of worse things to come. I’m not talking outbursts during arguments with a preteen, because those things happen often (in fact, this happened last night with one of my boys) but if it isn’t handled, laughed off or otherwise ignored, it grows. Kids pick up things very quickly and easily, and when they realize they can get away with being rude and disrespectful to their parents, it can snowball.
While I am on the topic of what kids pick up…
They’re Watching Us
Kids watch us from day one, even when we don’t think they are. They pick up on how we feel about them and the rest of the world. They can develop their worldview from ours- they also learn how the world sees them.
One way to teach respect is to give it to your children. Listening to them, actively listening, is the best thing you can do. This makes them feel important, valued and loved. They might be telling you something that is huge to them, and not-so-huge to you, but still, want you to know. This means looking into their eyes and asking questions- they can read your interest by these actions. Try not to interrupt unless you need to.
Try not to brush off their feelings and emotions. This can make your child feel a lot worse than they already do- if they can’t find the words, help them figure it out. This encourages honesty and open communication.
This one is huge at my house- respect boundaries. If your child asks you to knock before coming into their bedroom, do so. If you have a kid who hates hugs or other forms of physical affection, find other ways to show affection. Julian doesn’t do hugs, but he will give a high-five or fist bump.
Of course, I’d rather have the hug, but it makes him terribly uncomfortable, so I’ll take the high-five. If you respect the smaller boundaries, chances are, your child will learn to respect you and the rules you set.
Let them be who they are. We may not always like what our kids choose to like- I can’t stand half the things my sons watch but they like them and they’re not harmful. One kid may be extremely artistic, but the other can barely draw a stick figure. This is okay. Each child is different, with their own personality and talents. Don’t try to mold your child into who you want them to be- this usually backfires.
Let them see you being respectful. This can be a small act, as thanking a waitress or someone in a store. It does matter, because, again, your child is watching. The more they see you doing things like that, the more they will want to do it. Some kids will need a bit of prompting, and this is okay.
Own your mistakes. Parents make mistakes- lots of them. If you mess up, apologize and move forward. Kids need to learn to accept responsibility for their actions and apologizing. This can be hard but is a necessary lesson.
Find the cause. If there is a pattern of disrespect, find the cause. Is your child angry about something? School? Something at home? Friends? Talk to your child and see what is going on. The need can be addressed minus disrespect.
Teens can be a challenge when it comes to disrespect- what are your tips/ideas for this topic? Leave a comment!
Pics courtesy of Unsplash
Information courtesy of Parenting For Brain