Every Mom’s Battle 

Every mom has to make many decisions- one of the biggest being whether to work or stay home. This is debated in many groups, on many blogs and between friends and family members. In the end, it’s up to the parents involved.

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The Current Situation

I’m at home. I believe I’ve made my BA work very hard for me and I’ve made all the money I took out in loans to get it and then some. If you haven’t seen my “About Me” page, spoiler alert: my BA is in Clinical Psychology. Matthew works full time, and this arrangement works. We’ve worked on our budget a bit and until I find another job, we’re good. Not everyone is this lucky, so I’m glad I’m able to stay at home while working on my blog.
For the most part, working wasn’t really an option. I had to work. The kids were smaller and preschool is wildly expensive. Luckily, Matthew’s mother watched the kids and when she wasn’t able to any longer, my mom stepped in. We never had to worry about daycare. Many parents I know do. As the kids have gotten older, of course, their needs have grown with them.

I’ve had a couple of rough years- emotionally and physically. I quit a job I loved unexpectedly after Jake’s death. I did have my 403b from that job to help out while I got myself back together. I didn’t work for a couple months- I wasn’t fit to. I could barely get out of bed.

In the same time, I’ve also had issues that led to a partial thyroidectomy last year. NOT FUN. The recovery took a while. I’ve also struggled to manage these migraines.

I haven’t been able to find anything that I loved nearly as much as the job I left in 2015, but I’m hoping to soon.

That’s my story. What’s yours?

No Shaming Here

It’s a hard decision and shouldn’t be shamed. If a woman, or, hell, anyone, wants to stay at home, let them be. I thought I’d bored being at home, but thanks to a messy house and this blog, that’s not a problem. I didn’t give up working forever- I’m taking a break. My brain works quite well on a daily basis. I’m also working on taking care of my physical health.

Everyone’s situation is different- respect that and move on. It might not be for you. That’s okay. I didn’t think staying at home was for me. No need to bash someone over their life choices. It’s hard being the mom that misses field trips, class parties and all the other fun stuff at school. Give the working moms you know a bit of slack. They need it more than you think.

Feel free to comment. I want to know your thoughts!

Thankful through the Year

What do I have to be thankful for this year?

Many things. At the top of my list is sobriety. As of Thursday, I will have 10 months and 22 days of sobriety. Yay, me! This has been a huge thing for me this year. There have been struggles and hard days, but I have not had a single drink since 1/1/17. I’m still in therapy- two years and going. I’m still reminded of Fireball whenever I smell anything cinnamon, but I am so glad that I decided to stop drinking. I’m happier and a much better mom. My kids actually want to be around me, I’m a lot more present with my friends and family and I don’t miss it.. most of the time. I definitely don’t miss the hangovers.

Speaking of my family, I am thankful for them. Even the people that don’t share blood with me. Friendship is everything and I have a small circle. There are a few people that I couldn’t live without in my life and they have helped me stay sober and sane. Matthew has been pretty great, considering the alternative, and the kids, while they make for great tweets and blog material, make my days worth getting through.

My health has been a little weird this year, but I’m glad my thyroid issues have been put in check thanks to losing the left side of my thyroid in May. The surgery and recovery sucked. I won’t lie. It was less than fun, considering I developed a thyroid bleed, which is a fancy term for blood clot, which meant I had to go in for a second surgery to remove it. I lived to tell the tale, however, just without my left vocal cord functioning. It’s now permanently paralyzed. Y’all try parenting with one vocal cord! It is not easy, not with these kids. My meds are doing their job, so I guess the story ends well. If there was a cure for migraines, I would be the happiest woman on Earth. Until then, that remains a struggle.

I am very thankful that my creativity came back! I struggled with this a lot for a while, because when you’re grieving one of the biggest losses of your life, drinking to block it out and trying to put yourself back together, creativity really does take a backseat. I never did go back to sketching, though. I used to sketch evening gowns and a few handbags, but I have not touched that since 2015. Instead, I have tapped into my inner kid and gone into the world of adult coloring books. I have a stack of them and two pencil bags full of coloring pencils. It helps my anxiety and boredom. My biggest creativity leap has been this blog. It may not be the biggest, but I am very proud of it. I have goals for next year, so watch out!

Since this post is coming out right before Thanksgiving, I wanted to give everyone a few tips for handling Thanksgiving lunch, brunch, and/or dinner (however you do it)

  • Remember that you are who you are and if the people there can’t accept you, that is their problem. (There will be a post in the future about being judged by others.)
  • Stay as long as you feel comfortable. There is no time table on how long you have to stay.
  • STAY OUT OF POLITICAL STUFF! This is the quickest way for things to go bad really fast. I know I’m not saying a word.
  • Find a quiet spot. There’s one somewhere, and if there isn’t, go outside for a few minutes if you can.
  • Eat what you want, remember moderation and enjoy.

I will not have a post on Thursday because I actually signed up to work for a few hours (holiday pay..hello!) and it’s family time. Everyone enjoy yourselves, and if you don’t have any family to enjoy the holiday with, find some friends in the same situation.

Thanks for reading and share with a friend! 

Wrae