The Pandemic Life

This post is a bit of a catch-up post. I didn’t update on my personal life as much as I thought I had, after looking through old posts. Y’all ready? Might want to get comfy.

Everyone was encouraged during the pandemic to take care of themselves and not worry so much about being productive. We were actually encouraged to stay at home and do nothing! I thought this was fantastic…at first.

I live in Kentucky, which had some of the strictest mandates in the country. I am grateful that Andy Beshear (the governor) cared enough about his constituents to put those mandates and rules into effect. Some states weren’t that lucky- I am looking at Texas for an example. Mr. Beshear did his last COVID-19 update on the news Friday and it was like the end of an era- a good ending.

So what did I do during the quarantine and social distancing?

-Spent more time with Matthew and the kids. Uno is still a part of our routine.

-Stayed sober! If I can stay sober through a global pandemic, there isn’t much that will derail me. I’m not invincible but this was a test of my patience and mental health.

-Kept my mental health in check. I stayed on my meds and in therapy, even when it had to be virtual. My therapist was pregnant so we went virtual pretty early on.

-We stayed healthy. I might have had COVID before it was a thing, but I’ll never know for sure. I had a severe upper respiratory infection in February 2020. The entire preschool was sick. My mom and one of my sisters had COVID. They still struggle with their sense of taste and smell, which entirely baffles me.

My mom was sick around Thanksgiving and didn’t have us come over. She didn’t want my other sister or I to possibly catch COVID. My sister has lupus. I have RA- our immune systems are not great.

So far, I am fully vaccinated. Lily just got her second shot and Cameron gets his first one next week. Julian is skeptical and doesn’t want to get it. I’m okay with this- he is old enough to make that decision and I’m not going to push him.

-Cooking, baking and crafting. I never picked up on the bread making trend, but I did make a cake for the first time EVER. It turned out pretty good- it was a basic cake. I made snacks and meals I hadn’t made before and enjoyed the extra time to do so. I did some crafty things and found that I really like crafting. It helps relieve stress and it makes me happy.

-Podcasts. Lots of podcasts.

-Memes. The meme world got great during this time. There were so many Andy Beshear memes and even a few shirts. My favorites were the state delegations offering things in exchange for him… nope. Kentucky will keep him, thanks. Sometimes it’s either laugh or cry and laughing was the main option with these memes.

The Me Update

I work in a hospital so we’re gonna be wearing masks for a while.

Physically: Not bad. I didn’t get the flu, pneumonia and/or COVID, so I guess I got lucky. I have had flares, which is usual for RA. I have been having pain issues with my right hip and left thumb (weird) and will discuss that with my rheumatologist at my appointment this coming week.

Mentally: I’m currently not thrilled with one of my meds, which will also be taken care of this coming week. Zyprexa has caused me to gain weight and nope. Not cool. Besides that, I have done pretty well. I’m not a fan of people so staying at home wasn’t horrible but it wasn’t easy either. Sometimes you just really need to get out of the house.

What’s next for the blog? I’m not sure. I toyed with the idea of a podcast, but I really don’t have time to truly dedicate myself to it, so that isn’t going to happen. I am, however, working on a story on Wattpad. I will release more information about the story when I’ve worked on it more.

That’s it! It’s been a weird year and I am so glad to see that the world is returning to “normal”.

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LGBTQ Kids: A Guide

Parenting is full of challenges. We face them everyday- food allergies, mental and/or physical disabilities, bullying, and the list goes on.

There’s a point in life in which our kids decide to date and none of us are ever ready for that- it freaks us out. This happens as early as 12 or 13 or can be years later.

Most of us don’t blink an eye at who they will date, because we just assume they will date someone of the opposite sex, right?

What Happens When They Don’t?

I’ve already thought this one out. I don’t care. As long as my kids find someone that loves and supports them, I honestly don’t care who they date. Race isn’t an issue for obvious reason, and that’s not the topic of the post.

I just want my kids to be happy with whoever they love. That’s it. For example, if Lily brings a girl home and they get married, then I get to watch them say yes to the dress or whatever they wear.

Being a teen is hard enough as it is today. There’s so much pressure to get great grades, fit in, get into a good college, work, and so on.

When you’re a 16 year old girl who likes other girls, it gets a bit harder to be “normal”. You wonder if others would still like you, even your own family. You grew up hearing slurs about homosexuals and you know it’s not going to be great if you tell your parents.

Then there’s the boys who want to date you and you know they won’t stay away forever. All you want is to find a girl that likes you and that you like back, but how does that work? It’s confusing and scary. Bullying is a thing, and LGBTQ teens have it harder.

Coming out is scary. It’s rough. The average age is 17, much younger than it used to be according to a British study found on Everyday Feminism

Teens are smart- they know the risks of telling their families something this big. Some families are accepting, and some families are ready to kick their kids right out of the house, which is a shame.

It’s heartbreaking to know that some kids feel they have to hide this part of themselves, because it can lead to drug and/or substance abuse issues, along with mental health issues, like depression and anxiety.

A kid can only mask so much for so long. It does get better, time goes by, people do open their minds to new things.

Sometimes the people they think will have horrible reactions will have the opposite reaction. The negative messages are also an issue- they can send a message that a kid is a bad person, or is “going to hell”, etc. This can just add to already negative thoughts that a kid can have about themselves.

It gets better when LGBTQ kids find others like them- online, in school, through other friends, in other ways. It does help that many LGBTQ kids are out to their friends and classmates. Those friends and classmates, for the most part, are accepting, and can be a great source of support.

What Can Parents Do?

• Let them know you love them. I’m pretty sure this is the biggest part of accepting your child, no matter what. They need to know this. The scariest thing to many LGBTQ kids is coming out. Once they know they have parental support, there is a huge sense of relief. Be as open minded and present as you can be, even if you aren’t quite sure what to do.
• Research. Parenting requires a lot of thinking and reading. We don’t always know what to do. That’s why the Internet exists. There are quite a few websites for parents of LGBTQ kids, including Hopkins Medicine
• Talk about it. This doesn’t mean hound about their sex life, because that’s definitely awkward for everyone involved, but let them know you are there when they need you, if they have questions, etc.
• Remember this is not a “phase”, there is no “cure”, and there is nobody to “blame”.
• Watch out for bullying at school. It’s a reality that LGBTQ kids are bullied at school and other places. If you need to, get involved with the school. You can read Bullying: A Closer Look for more ideas and resources.
• Talk to someone if you feel overwhelmed.

The world of teenage dating can get pretty complicated, this is just a different road. It’s possible to walk together with your child. Cheer them on!

Pics courtesy of Unsplash

Statistics pics courtesy of hrc.org

Info can be found on:

Everyday Feminism

Hopkins Medicine

It Takes a Village to Support Our Kids

I’ve had a handful of moms that look up to me because I’ve been through the hard early years of autism. Julian is older than their kids (except one) and I just see it as sharing my experiences so that they don’t struggle like I did.

Plus, its easier to get services these days because there are more providers, even if you’re on a waiting list. Julian sat on one for months just to get an evaluation. Back in 2011, there were only a few good providers in Louisville for ADHD and autism. I’m glad to see this. It also means more families are seeking help for their children earlier.

I haven’t been the perfect mom. I’ve messed up a LOT. The thing is, I’m okay with admitting it. I don’t think I have been asked one particular question more than others. I just try to help the most I can and if I don’t know, I’ll find resources.

Parenting a kid (or kids) with any kind of special needs is hard. I may make it seem effortless, but it isn’t. I still get frustrated, I still need to vent about things because some issues are a lot for me to deal with. I’m glad to have passed through the hardest years, but the kids aren’t adults yet. That will be a whole new adventure.

If you’re out there and you need support, please reach out. Support is a good thing. There’s groups all over the internet. I have a great support system and I’m forever grateful.

I built my village back in 2010 and added a few people along the way. Everyone should have a parenting village.

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A Letter to Younger Me

Getting older requires experience, whether that is good or bad.

There are things that I wish I had known when I was younger, but of course there was no way of knowing these things.

Dear Wrae,

You are going to have to deal with things you never saw coming or dreamed of. Two chronic illnesses, kids with special needs and a marriage that went straight to hell. You’ll lose both of your mom’s parents and one of the best people you’ve ever met, someone who literally saved you from yourself when Matthew wouldn’t. Oh, and you’ll have a stroke at 30 years old.

Guess what? You made it. Thanks to therapy, sobriety and the love of your family and friends. Also, a little self-respect and courage never hurt. That self-respect went out the window but you gained it back in the weirdest of ways.

You learned what you will and won’t tolerate from others, which is why you have such a low bullshit tolerance level. You FINALLY know what you’re worth and won’t hesitate to get it. That first round of therapy is gonna suck so badly, but honestly, you should have gone long before you did.

Well, TWO therapists.

You’re going to work on yourself harder at that point than you remember doing and this is okay. You’re going to get sober and actually like it. It’s a good thing, because your future rheumatologist would lose her mind if you kept drinking on RA meds. RA? What? It’s not going away, may get really bad, but you will do what your Granddad did and live your best life with it. Thankfully, the kids are self-sufficient and can help you out when you need it.

Speaking of the kids, they’re actually doing a lot better than you thought. Cameron’s heart is okay, Julian did develop a sense of humor and made friends. Lily really must have liked OT as a toddler because you’re going to put her in another round of it. Speech therapy pays off well, even though you never paid a dime for it.

They are smart, funny and caring kids, even if Julian has to work a bit on empathy. They are helpful, happy being themselves and that’s what matters. You’re going to be stuck together for a YEAR because of a global pandemic, but let’s skip past that. It’s been kinda rough for the whole planet.

At some point, you’ll actually feel like a grown-up, but that doesn’t mean you have all the answers, although that would be nice. It may take a while to figure out what you really like doing, but you’ll get it. The job you love the most isn’t feasible anymore at one point, but that’s okay. You’ll find other things. Maybe even head to grad school. Maybe.

You will learn the hard way that those who you think are your friends… they aren’t sometimes. It’s hard to get past this and you may never trust others the same afterwards. You’ll be content with the circle you have and that’s plenty.

Oh, and Ashley finally does have a kid. It took her a decade, but Trent is the cutest baby ever. He’s been your tiny redhead bestie since he was two months old, when you finally met him. He was born at 35 weeks during aforementioned pandemic and it just wasn’t safe. Watching Ashley be a mom is going to make you very happy because you know what the magic of motherhood is like.

My little buddy.

Grief will entirely change your life, in more ways than one. The pain of losing someone never goes away, but it is possible to live a full life without them. In fact, you’ll start a blog that actually helps others. Writing has always been a passion.

Matthew does come out of whatever mind frame he was in and saves the day. Somehow, you two actually get through a lot of things and still like each other. It’s a good life, but it sure isn’t easy getting there.

Always be yourself because who else are you going to be?

Hang in there, eat all the snacks and enjoy the kids. They just might surprise you.

Future Wrae

Eek! It’s a Teenage Girl

Ugh. As of today, I will have three teenaged kids.

Lily is my last teenager.

*eyerolls and sighs*

Send help, lots of patience and Cherry Coke.

How Did We Get Here?

Well, everyone here knows how babies are made, so I will leave those details out. Lily was born on February 17, 2008 and since then, this house has not been the same. I had a tubal ligation when she was a month old, so there’s no more babies here! I am done, ya’ll. Lily’s pregnancy was a nightmare start to finish, so a small part of me was relieved that she was born at 37 weeks.

Lily was the sweetest baby! She giggled and smiled for everyone. She slept wonderfully, even put herself to bed. Like most little girls, she’s had her dad and grandfathers wrapped around her finger since she was born. My father in law became a huge teddy bear when Cameron was born, but once Lily was born, he basically became Jell-O. It’s been pretty funny to watch. He once gave Lily a quarter to make her stop crying during a tantrum.

She loved dolls, Peppa Pig and spaghetti. Thankfully the Peppa Pig phase has passed.

Over time, Lily grew and got into unicorns, Taylor Swift and black clothes. I can’t get mad at the black clothes or Taylor Swift. I love both. Most of my wardrobe is black. She is the proud owner of a million scrunchies and masks. Her favorite subject is Science and she’s done okay with virtual school.

I don’t know where she learned to roll her eyes or talk to me like I’m someone she wants to fight on the street, but WOW it’s a change. I’m not sure how Lily has gotten to be 13, but the years have gone by faster than I really want to admit.

A Mini-Me

It seems as if I’m raising myself. Lily is feisty and has a great vocabulary. She talks wonderfully thanks to two years of speech therapy. If you don’t know that story, Neurology Is Not My Best Topic may help catch you up. Special Needs Round Two can also help. I have tried my best to get Lily what she needs, even when I didn’t know what was going to result from it.

Lily is doing well in Occupational Therapy (OT). She has a great OT therapist and has been improving. I have friends that got a dyspraxia diagnosis as adults. One told me she wished her mom had done what I have for Lily, because she is in her 30s and trying to adult with dyspraxia. I don’t know how much longer she will need it, but as long as her insurance covers it and Amy doesn’t leave, we are good.

Lily has watched me do my makeup since she could stand on her own and is developing a healthy love for makeup. She’s watched a million tutorials because I don’t know how to do eyeshadow on hooded lids, but I’m sure they have helped. She also loves clothes. I’m not holding my breath waiting for her to stop wearing black. I’m 38 and it’s never been a phase!

Much like me, Lily loves to color, draw and do crafts. She also likes to help me cook. She also wants to go into something scientific when she’s grown. She likes helping others and I know that’s definitely me coming out.

We are entering those years in which her door will slam about a million times, she may not even like me. But she knows I will always love her no matter what. She knows how to speak up for herself, how to deal with the haters. I’m not sure what adulthood will look like for Lily, but I’m there for her always.

The Big 13

I am having a small surgical procedure the day after this posts, and thanks to COVID, I have to quarantine after my pre-surgery COVID test until the procedure. We will have her birthday dinner at home, complete with cupcakes. I ordered her some gel markers for coloring, but the big present is getting her hair highlighted. An ice storm hit Louisville this past week, so that appointment has been rescheduled for 2/26 and she is so excited!

Having 13 year old boys are fun. I’m sure a 13 year old girl will be a blast. Stay tuned.