I’m Wrae and I am delighted to be here.

Please check out the “About Me” page 🙂

I am 34, and I’ve always loved writing. I’ve done some journaling, some poetry. I am on wattpad, and if you want that information, I’ll be glad to share it. This blog came pretty much out of nowhere but sometimes that’s the best thing.

I will be putting up a statement for legal reasons about what I will not tolerate on this blog, but in general, I’m pretty laid back. For sheer example, this welcome post is today’s post.

Guests are always welcome, I hope everyone enjoys what they read and leave having learned something or at least gotten a different point of view. As Jewel once said, “I’d rather see the world from another angle.”

I will post on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Sundays are for guest blogs and if I don’t have one I’ll publish something that isn’t related to the other two days. 

Happy reading!




The Road to Authenticity

I have written a lot about being yourself and being vulnerable, no matter how hard it may be. I’ve struggled a lot with accepting myself, flaws and all. It wasn’t until I met Jake that I realized that being me is the best thing to be. It took knowing him to realize that Being You is a Superpower .

The definitions of authenticity vary by who you ask and what you read, but the official definition from Webster’s is: real or genuine : not copied or false. : true and accurate. : made to be or look just like an original.

I’ll take that. I’m definitely an original, there isn’t another person who looks like me, except for maybe Julian. He comes pretty close. My personality can’t be copied, and I don’t have the ability to be false or “fake”. I spent a few years hiding my true feelings pain, anger, sadness and hiding my personality. I felt it was necessary because it wasn’t helping the situation I was in. I wasn’t being appreciated for who I was- I was being torn down no matter what I did, no matter what I said. I felt like I wasn’t the person I was supposed to be anymore. I simply stopped being me, but I wasn’t happy that way. I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to be. Instead, I became guarded, anxious, and quiet. Anyone who knows me at all knows that is not in my DNA. I’ve been loud since I was able to talk, except for a very bad strep throat/laryngitis episode in eighth grade and post-thyroid surgery in 2017. I was unable to talk above a whisper for a couple of weeks during both times and that was not fun. I felt as if I was sinking to the bottom of the ocean without a lifesaver. I was drowning with no one to save me.


I was saved- and I am forever grateful to Jake. I don’t think he ever realized what he did for me. I was told he died knowing how much I cared for him, and that has helped me immensely. He once told me that he wanted me to be myself as much as possible around him and that opened the floodgates. I needed to be myself again, in a safe space, with someone who cared about me. I can’t say this was the right way to do it. He understood me in a way few people have. Slowly, I allowed him to see my feelings and thoughts, and not once did he use them against me. He knew what it was like to be hurt deeply, and while other things occurred between us that weren’t so great, he didn’t go too far in this way.

Trying to Start Again

After Jake’s death, I had re-examine my life in a lot of ways. One of those ways was whether to stay with Matthew. In that decision, I also had to think about letting him back in again. I would have to be vulnerable with him, let him see the strong person I had become. He would have to see that I had regained my self-respect, and was working on regaining my self-esteem and self-worth. This meant that things would have to change between us and if he couldn’t accept it, our marriage was done. I wouldn’t stay for him to hurt me as he had in the past.


This set off an intense internal battle. I didn’t want to try this- what if I stayed, let him see me this way and I got hurt all over again? There was no way I could handle this. There was no way I wanted to see how that would end. I didn’t even want to take the chance. I had already decided to stay, but I was still very guarded. I talked to my therapist extensively about this fear- it was a justified fear, considering Matthew’s past abuse. I made a list of the things that I was afraid of Matthew seeing from me:

  • Crying
  • Anxiety
  • Sadness/that he had said or done something to hurt me
  • Being overwhelmed (this was one of the biggest issues in the past)
  • Being open about my feelings, then him using them against me

I had changed and I wasn’t about to go backwards. I was happy being myself again.

The Turtle-Like Process

With the help of my therapist, I did let Matthew see who I had become. I figured that if I stayed, I may as well let him see who I had become. It was a slow process, because I still had terrible memories in my mind. I’m well aware of the fact that they will be with me for a long time. I took small steps because that’s all I could handle. I think Matthew got a bit frustrated, but I was dealing with a lot. In a way, it was his own fault- he was the one who hurt me, so he would have to wait for me to heal. I reminded him more than once that it wasn’t an overnight process and that I needed time. I did have slips, in which I would shut down entirely, stopped talking to him when I should have talked more. This caused arguments and didn’t go well.

Being honest with yourself is not always pretty. You have to look really deep inside, at all the things you’ve done, good or bad. At that point, it’s time to hold yourself accountable for the screwups, apologize to those you’ve hurt (or at least try), and try to move forward. Most importantly, try to forgive yourself. This part can be hard- it was very hard for me to forgive myself for hurting Matthew and the damage that I caused to our marriage.

It’s not easy to become authentic, especially around the person who broke you. It takes a lot of adjustment on both sides. The changes are real- it may not turn out the way you hope. Many hide behind fear of not being liked or loved, like I did. That fear does fade away. I can’t say when it does, but it will as you change. I am much happier being me and not hiding. I do have times in which I tend to hide my sadness a bit, but many others do so. That is something to be worked on. It is refreshing to just be myself- even my sense of humor has improved, and I’ve always been funnier. I don’t hold a lot back, and most of the people around me appreciate this. I know I do.

Have you tried being more authentic? Do you think it would make you happier? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Pic courtesy of Pinterest

Song Lyric Saturday with Bebe Rexha

What did I think of Bebe Rexha’s song with Florida Georgia Line?

Hated it. I can’t stand them and the song itself sucked. I was like, “Come on, Bebe. You can do way better, why not with Jason Aldean or Luke Bryan?” I like Bebe. I just didn’t like her choice in crossover artists.

If you didn’t know, her first name is Bleta, which I am sure is hard for many to pronounce, so Bebe is her nickname. I follow her Instagram and Twitter because I’m 35 and do things like that. I’ve gotta get a life, guys.

I like most of her music, but for about a million reasons, “I Can’t Stop Drinking About You” is my favorite. “I Got You” was a close second.

“I can’t stop drinking about you

Without you I ain’t the same

Pour a shot in the glass and I’ll forget forever

Pour a shot in my glass, it makes everything better”

Drinking only makes things better for a short while. If you drink like I did, you pass out and it’s over until the next day.

I drank my way through a lot of pain. I drank through my issues with Matthew, the things I couldn’t fix with Julian, losing Jake and other things. The crappy part is, the problems were still there the next day. They were there until I faced them, some of them in therapy. Therapy is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, mainly because I had to do a lot of work on myself and I had to do it alone. Facing your life without alcohol sucks, but here I am, one day at a time, and as of this post, 19 months sober.

Pic courtesy of Pinterest

Back To School

I’m THRILLED to be writing my back-to-school post. It’s been a great summer (see The Summer Vacation Recap) but it’s time for these kids to go back to school.

Lily is going into the fifth grade at the elementary school all three kids attended. When we went in for registration, we found her name on the wall and she was delighted to find she got the teacher she wanted. They hugged and I laughingly said, “I give you the last of my kids,”- she had Julian two years ago and loved him. I’m just happy that paperwork took less than a half hour because I am currently in an RA flare and my exhaustion is real.

We missed the boys’ registration due to our Daytona Beach trip. Cameron is going into 8th grade and Julian is going into 7th. Luckily, a friend of mine went with her sons and messaged me the important info. Everyone has all their clothes, supplies and other things ready. School bedtimes are in effect. I’m happy about this, but none of the kids are.

What am I worried about?

  1. Julian. He’s always at the top of this list. He had a rough adjustment to 6th grade, but I am hoping that doesn’t happen this year. We’ve talked about asking for breaks, help and other things, so I’m hoping it sticks. Plus he hates reading and that’s a whole different topic. This may require meeting with his teacher.
  2. Cameron. He’s a bit of a slacker, and obviously this won’t be a great thing in high school and beyond. We have to work more this year on not slacking so much. #NoSlackersHere
  3. Lily. I’m still worried about her development. I feel as if she is functioning a bit behind her peers and I’m not sure where this leads us.

Bullying is always a cause for concern, no matter where you are. Please see my post Bullying: A Closer Look if you need information. This is a topic that all parents need to be aware of.

We did it, fellow parents! Most of us are escaping what I call #thehostagesituation. Another school year is upon us and that means lots of comedy, stress, and fun moments. Me? I’m just happy to get back to writing in a quiet house with the cats.

Pics courtesy of Unsplash

The Sanders Family Goes South

Five people.

One car.

Thirteen hours. (over two days, because kids and other factors)

Five days.

We finally went to Daytona Beach. The last time we went, Cameron was 18 months old, Julian was a month old and Lily had not crossed our minds yet. Thanks to five years of college, financial issues and a slew of other things, it took us 12 years to get back.

Tails and Miss Purr were left in the very capable hands of Ashley, otherwise known as the animal whisperer. We left plenty of food, water and toys. I’m sure plenty of playtime and cuddles occurred.

My mission? To relax, have fun and not end up in a flare. If you aren’t familiar with rheumatoid arthritis, flares can be brought on by a lot of things but lots of activity like walking can do it. Flares, to me, is pretty much like having the flu without the stomach part.

My mission was partially accomplished. After the lighthouse trip late in the week, I was exhausted and achy. The drive home was hard on me. This post was written in the beginning of a flare. I’m just glad we got home before it hit.

Getting there was an adventure- we broke up the trip over two days. We stayed overnight in a cheap hotel and… a small thing happened.

Yes, Matthew is holding the door handle to our room. He was able to put it back on and everyone was safe afterwards. It was probably one of the funniest moments of the trip. Everyone except Lily laughed.

We got to Florida, stopped for orange juice at the welcome center and continued our journey. The kids were happy to be in Daytona until… “Mom, it stinks.” Of course, Julian thought the ocean air was gross. He’s sensitive to smells and all of us are used to it.

Over the next few days, we went to the beach, spent a lot of time in the hotel pool and we may have learned a few things.

Julian and Lily collected seashells, but Cameron wasn’t into it. All of the kids were into the idea of burying me in the sand. I found sand in my ears for two days after but it was fun. (I found the hat on Amazon- photosensitivity is no fun but my meds are working so the tradeoff isn’t that bad.)

We spent part of an afternoon at the Daytona Beach Pier and Boardwalk, which was great. It’s super pretty there. Lily hates walking, but she didn’t mind the view.

Kids at the Pier

Lily shooting hoops at the Fun Center

Julian didn’t want to do anything educational but went along with a tour to the Ponce Inlet Lighthouse. There’s 203 steps, which destroyed my joints, but it was still pretty cool. The view was beautiful. Lily did not like this, partially because of the steps and because she hates heights. We weren’t up at the top long. Warning: if you’re not a fan of Dutch staircases, I’d skip this. I thought I was going to fall more than once.

The Marine Science Center was a bit better. Unfortunately, the touching pool was closed the day we went but we were still able to see everything else. Plus we got in for the cheapest price, $2/each. There’s five of us and anything cheap is good, right?

This center houses sea turtles that need medical help and that’s neat. They are in tanks and you can see them as they are being treated. There’s also birds and exotic fish.

I’m a chocolate lover, which is partially why I’m a bit chunky. I found a chocolate factory that gives free tours so we went for a bit of adventure.

I think the boys enjoyed the serpentarium the best. It was okay but then I’m not a fan. We watched snake handlers extract serum in order to make anti serum. I’m pretty sure I’ll never, ever want to make this part of my career. They also got to hold a couple of very calm snakes. I cringed and took pics.

The funnier part is that the main guy said that he had been bitten 11 times, the last time being in 2006. He listed the snakes that bit him like it was nothing and I was like, “nope”. I’ll spare you the extraction pics. It was a bit wild.

Cameron saying hi to an iguana

There were many fun moments and a few sibling fights. I’d say it was a great trip. I’m glad to be back. If you get a chance to go to Daytona Beach, I highly recommend it. There’s a lot to do- or maybe not do.

All pics are my own.

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Twin Mummy and Daddy

The Aftermath of Abuse

*Trigger Warning: this post discusses emotional abuse. If this is something you have a hard time processing please feel free to take time to do self care and/or come back to this post when you feel you can.*

I wrote The Reality Check to discuss my own issues with emotional and verbal abuse within my marriage. I didn’t, however, discuss the aftermath. It’s not pretty. I had to work on it in therapy. I had to relearn self-esteem and self-worth. I’d lost both. Jake had helped me regain my self-respect- I learned a lot about what I was willing and not willing to take from someone.

Those two things aren’t easy to learn, much less a second time. The decision to stay wasn’t an easy one. I stayed up many nights wondering if I’d screw myself, and more importantly, the kids, over, by staying. Did I? In a way, yes. Things have happened that I didn’t forsee and changes are ongoing. If I’d known these things would happen, I’d have left in 2015.

I was guarded. I didn’t trust Matthew to not hurt or leave me. I wouldn’t let him in, talk to him about anything major. Bills and kids? Sure. Anything else? Forget it. I ended up walking around with all kinds of thoughts and feelings.

The Thoughts that Echo

What if he goes back to being who he used to be? This stays with me daily. I think it always will. Matthew has made so much progress, but even my former therapist said this is a legit fear. I believe her.

If we get into an argument, is he going to blow up? Therapy helped me learn tools for this- arguing can be done in a healthy way. Taking breaks is very effective.

It’s okay to talk to him..right? I’ve got to try to trust him. This remains a daily struggle. Even with therapy, I’m not sure I’ll ever fully trust Matthew, much less any man, again. I know it’s okay to trust people, but I don’t want to ever be broken again.

I need to make it all look okay.. I didn’t know it then, but everyone around me knew what was going on. Even his dad knew. I withdrew a lot from everyone. I was severely depressed.

Am I going to mess up again? Is this going to be the day everything goes to hell? This has gotten better, thanks to a lot of self talk, progress and therapy. There are bad days but I am able to get through them a lot easier. This is also known as “walking on eggshells”, when you feel everything you do might upset your partner. This is a terrible frame of mind to live in.

The Drinking Years

I do not blame Matthew at all for my drinking. That was my own decision. The situation we were in, however, crushed me. I could have stopped drinking. I just liked it too much. It was a fun escape, but it got a lot worse after Jake died. My former therapist almost sent me for an inpatient evaluation. As of this post, I’m almost 20 months sober. Many abuse survivors do turn to some sort of substance abuse and that’s a sad fact. It helps dull the pain for sure, but it’s right there the next day.

My liver took a hit, and I’m forever grateful to my primary care physician because she might have saved my life. I’m pretty sure I would have ended up drinking my way into rehab otherwise. It may take years for my liver to return to normal. I damaged my own body because I let someone else destroy me. Let that sink in.

I drank to forget all kinds of pain- the pain of being what I thought was a horrible mom, definitely not a great wife, and the crumbling of my marriage. I kept drinking to forget the pain of losing the future I’d planned. I’m so glad I stopped.

What Happens After?

Abuse, in any shape or form, is wrong. I chose to cover emotional abuse because it’s not discussed nearly enough. What happens after needs to be looked at so much more.

The effects can last for years, even if the survivor is able to move forward and find a loving partner. The scary thoughts remain in the back of their mind. Some, like me, always have a backup plan just in case the nightmare comes true- they end up where they never thought they would be again. Some avoid relationships altogether for a long time out of fear. Some, sadly, end up in a chain of abusive relationships.

No matter how things turn out for you, please remember that the abuse is never your fault.

Pics courtesy of Unsplash and Pinterest



Healthy Place

Song Lyric Saturday with Amerie

First of all, Amerie is so freaking underrated.

If you’ve never heard of her, I will wait while you Google her and listen to her entire discography.

*tick tock tick tock*

You’re back? Good.

Amerie is half black, half Korean and I need her skin tips. She’s amazingly gorgeous, and she just had a baby. Does she sleep? I saw her on Instagram last week and she looks great, even minus sleep. I did not look that great when Cameron was an infant, probably because he was the worst sleeper of the three. I didn’t even know she was pregnant until wayyyy into the pregnancy.

On top of singing, she’s an author and has lots of videos on her Instagram showing all the books she reads. She shares info on what she’s writing. I’m not really into sci-fi, but if you are, this might be for you. I’m just waiting for her next album. Her first one came out in 1998 and I was stuck on her music from there. I even played one of her songs at my wedding reception.

I picked her first song “Why Don’t We Fall In Love” because I’m a hopeless romantic and I love it.

“So many days I thought of you

It’s about time you knew the truth”

If you’re thinking about someone that much, tell them. Don’t hold back, because you might lose that chance. It’s a bit nervewracking and scary but it’s well worth it. May my hopeless romantic self never give up. Happy listening!

Ten (More) Fun Facts About Me

I shared some facts about myself many months ago in a previous post Fun Facts

Ready for more fun facts?

1. I’ve dyed my hair just about every shade of red. I love red hair but clearly wasn’t born with it. There have been a few disasters but it was fun while it lasted. I went back to my natural color, black, because Lily couldn’t remember what my hair looked like when it wasn’t red. One of the kids I worked with called me “Redhair” because it stood out so much.

2. I can’t bake. Many muffins and cookies have been burnt in my attempts but it just hasn’t worked out.

3. I can put on lipstick without a mirror, but other makeup requires a mirror.

4. I’m the only person in my immediate family with a BA. My older sister is a pharmacy tech.

5. I learned how to read when I was three years old.

6. I’m afraid of deep water. I don’t go in water deeper than 5 feet.

7. My favorite poet is Lang Leav.

8. The makeup I wear the most is mascara. I get cranky when I’m critically low. I prefer waterproof because as my grandmother once told me “You never know when you might cry.” She introduced me to makeup and it’s been a love affair ever since.

9. I’m not a morning person. I’m stiff (most mornings) thanks to RA and I have to take thyroid medication when I get up. I’m a snail until I am ready to interact with others. If I have something to do, I set an alarm super early because I know it will be a struggle.

10. I love cherry flavored almost anything but I don’t like cherries. Weird.

That’s it for now!

My Favorite Podcasts

I’m a podcast fanatic. If you haven’t seen my Instagram you should! There’s plenty of pics, some with my favorite podcasts.

NOTE: I am not being paid to endorse any of these podcasts or apps. However, if anyone from these podcasts wants to contact me…I don’t mind a bit.

I started listening to podcasts in 2017 and currently, my collection sits at 72. I use Podcast Addict. since I have an Android phone. My tastes run to true crime (my favorite), self- help, comedy and a few history based ones. I do have a few based on recovery, and they’ve been quite helpful during my sobriety.

Drumroll, please…

  1. Small Town Murder

Why is it my favorite? The two comedians (James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman) behind this podcast are hilarious. They discuss murders in small towns but don’t make fun of the victims or their families. They just make fun of everything else- the town, murderers, legal issues, etc. I started listening to this when Cameron was in the hospital last year. Now it’s not really a Thursday until I hear it. Yay indeed.

2. Murder Dictionary

Brianna and Kelley are a pair of friends that cover murders by going through the alphabet. I’m not sure when I started listening but I went back and listened to the episodes I missed. They do great research and are funny. Brianna does most of the talking and she is very well-spoken. They had to take a break when one had to have sinus surgery and I was like “Okay, I’ll be here, but damnit!”

I don’t miss an episode. Their Facebook page is also really cool. There are a lot of funny memes if you are into that, like I am. New episodes are out on Thursdays.

3. The Vanished

This might have been one of the first podcasts I listened to. Marissa has a great voice, does great research and really cares about helping those she puts a spotlight on. I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to every episode.

This podcast is about bringing attention to cases of missing people that wouldn’t ordinarily get a lot of coverage- people of color, teens and young adults, those who may have issues with mental illness, substance abuse issues (or both) and more. The Facebook group for this podcast is pretty neat, and I’m in it. New episodes are out on Sundays.

4. The Trail Went Cold

Robin Warder is based in Canada. He covers cases of missing people that have never been closed. Some are old cases, some are newer. He’s a huge fan of the old show “Unsolved Mysteries” and the subreddit of the same name.

The episodes are usually less than an hour and are the shortest of my favorites. I like this, because sometimes it’s hard to find a stopping place! New episodes are out on Wednesdays.

5. Once Upon a Crime

This podcast is so much fun to listen to. The host is always doing something new with topics. She’s also very upbeat when she talks and you can tell she enjoys her work.

Anyone who listens can also tell that Esther does intense research for her episodes. She has also been getting out into the podcast community and I think that’s really cool. New episodes are out on Wednesdays.

Bonus: InSight

I didn’t want to leave this one off my list because I love it. Ali is in Australia and Charlie is in Kansas City. I’m not really sure how they coordinate the times but they do a great job. Episodes are out twice a week, but due to summer schedules with their kids, it’s a bit varied right now.

This podcast covers missing people, murders, and a few other super interesting topics. I really look forward to each episode.

Pics courtesy of Facebook and WordPress Free Photo Library

Do you listen to podcasts? Do you have any recommendations? Leave them in the comments.

Song Lyric Saturday with Cardi B

I love Cardi B. I waited until her baby was born to give Cardi her week on the blog because I was curious about the name. Kulture? Poor baby. I’d go by my middle name, Kiari, and move along with my life.

For the record, I’m not a fan of weird names because of mine. My name has been mangled for as long as I remember so that’s why my kids have somewhat normal names.

I digress.

Why do I like Cardi B? She’s funny, loud and just doesn’t care what you think about her. She’s also very honest about her past. She was a stripper and is like “yeah, and what?” I probably wouldn’t make her mad. I know she was on a VH1 show but I didn’t hear of her until “Bodak Yellow” and that is when my car stereo gave up. It couldn’t play anything else all of a sudden…

“Invasion of Privacy” is good. I love a few of the songs. My favorite? I’m stuck between “Be Careful” and “Thru Your Phone”. The first time I heard her rapping “You gonna turn me into Left-Eye” I almost fell over laughing. If you aren’t familiar with the singer, Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes burnt down her boyfriend, Andre Rison’s mansion after a fight in the mid 1990’s. He played for the Atlanta Falcons. She was known for having a fiery temper.

Lots of people can’t stand Cardi, but I really like that she is unapologetically herself and honest. She is also super grateful for her fans. Keep doing you, Cardi. It will keep paying off.

Pics courtesy of Unsplash and Pinterest

Happy Birthday, Shortstack Blogs!

One year ago, I created a blog. I had no idea if I would stick with it, or just write a few posts and let it fade. I love to write and I’ve always wanted to do something big with it so here I am.

Zoo day

Zoo day with Julian and Lily

Progress Report #2

I haven’t made a penny from this blog. I haven’t gone self-hosted. Why? I’m focused mainly on getting views and loyal readers. I’d rather have that right now. I’d like to know people are reading my work than make money and not have people care.

I write about heavy topics. I know my writing voice is not for everyone and I’m totally okay with that. I’m not for everyone. I do think about my audience when I’m writing. I do appreciate the comments. It hasn’t been easy to build my audience- like most writers, I struggle with confidence. I almost trashed a few posts but put them up anyway. Weirdly enough, those have been some of my best-read posts.

My stats are going up- one month, I hit almost 1200 views. I’m at over 500 likes on Facebook and almost 900 on Instagram. This is growth. I’ve slowed on my guest posting due to the kids being on summer break. The memes I post are no joke- it’s been an interesting summer. I do plan to get back to outside projects once they go back to school- the cats are much quieter. They are great writing mascots.

Sleeping cat

Miss Purr.. sleeping as usual

My posts have gotten longer and more in depth. This is thanks to research, growth in my writing skills and lots of thought. I try to give lots of info without being boring. I’ve been working on my graphics to make those more eye-catching- people like that.

I do have goals- I set new ones every three months. They include posting to mom blog sites once a month, working on a secret project, a course with Savannah from Millennial Mrs. and Mom, along with other things.

I didn’t realize how far my talents go until I started being approached by other bloggers to collaborate on projects. Wow. Me?

My Blog Is a Toddler

I have a one year old blog. It can’t walk or talk but I’m sure WordPress can throw tantrums. I started this blog as a way of helping others- mental health and suicide prevention and awareness. The parenting part… obviously I have a lot to say there, because this is not easy.

I wish so much I didn’t feel the need to write about suicide. There is a heaviness, a hole in my heart that will never be fixed. I write about it so that others know they are not alone. Grief is a horrible thing- losing someone to suicide is something that is difficult to put into words.

I write so that hopefully others think again- I lost a few that didn’t. I write so that people have information to pass along to others if they need it. If one person thinks again, or my mental health related posts help in any way, then I have fulfilled my purpose. I think Jake would be proud of me- he always encouraged me to do what makes me happy.

September 1 is coming quickly and there will be a very special post on September 4.

There’s more to come this year. Thanks so much for reading my blog. I appreciate it more than you realize.

Life Lessons

The words I will never forget #lifelessonsfromjake