Welcome!

I’m Wrae and I am delighted to be here.

Please check out the “Learn More About Me” page 🙂

I am 35, and I’ve always loved writing. I’ve done some journaling, some poetry. I am on wattpad, and if you want that information, I’ll be glad to share it. This blog came pretty much out of nowhere but sometimes that’s the best thing.

I will be putting up a statement for legal reasons about what I will not tolerate on this blog, but in general, I’m pretty laid back. For sheer example, this welcome post is today’s post.

Guests are always welcome, I hope everyone enjoys what they read and leave having learned something or at least gotten a different point of view. As Jewel once said, “I’d rather see the world from another angle.”

I will have posts up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Song Lyric Saturdays are a bonus post. I also have book reviews once monthly on Wednesdays.

Happy reading!

Wrae

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Kids: Is It All In the Timing?

I’ve had a lot of time to think about this topic. Fourteen years, in fact. Cameron turned fourteen recently and I had just turned 22 when he was born. Fast forward and here we are. He has two siblings and I have gray hair.

The Clock Goes “Tick Tock”

Timing can be interesting- eighteen months is all that separates my kids in age. That was not planned, as I’ve discussed in precious posts. Three kids in three years is not for the weak or people who like to sleep.

I like my sleep and I am so damn glad that my kids do. Once everyone slept all night, it’s been great around here unless someone is sick. Julian needed some help in this department- I’d love to shake the hand of whoever discovered that Clonidine helps with sleep. He sleeps great these days.

Figuring Out What Works

Matthew and I really didn’t have much of a plan- we just knew we wanted kids. He wanted two, I wanted four, and then Cameron showed up in 2005.

Matthew got two. I changed my mind. Forget four- Cameron was a difficult baby and I was not up for a repeat. Eighteen months later, I got “the Buddha Baby”, known as Julian. Eighteen months after that, Lily made her appearance and I shut down the baby factory.

I was done. You can read Rewind and Fast Forward to get the full story.

What worked for us doesn’t work for everyone. Some prefer to have kids early. Lily was born two months after my 25th birthday. I had hoped to be done having kids by 30, so I was done a whole 5 years early.

I was worried about the chances of birth defects, the extra wear and tear on my body (which happens no matter how old you are) and my energy levels. I also just wanted to get this part of my life over with. Pregnancy and the younger years of a child’s life are hard. Might as well be young and get it done, right?

The money part isn’t fun to figure out. I think that if you’re a bit older when you start having kids you may have a better shot at being financially stable. I’ve read that many older parents are more patient- in that case, I’d be ready for menopause before I had kids.

Two main worries for women that wait until later is the chances of birth defects or difficulties with getting pregnant in the first place. Luckily, there are maternal-fetal specialists and fertility specialists that can assist with these issues.

The Big Questions

Should you start early? Should you wait a few more years? I think it is up to each couple to decide what is best for them. Having kids is a huge, life-changing decision. Don’t go into it lightly.

Look at where you are in your life- financially and emotionally. How is your health? How will your life change if you do decide to have a child? These are just a few questions to ask yourself.

This post is not meant to talk anyone into or out of having kids at any point- just to bring a few thoughts to the surface.

Did you have kids at an early or late age? How do you think it impacted your life? Do you wish you had done it differently?

Pics courtesy of: Unsplash

Twin Mummy and Daddy

Getting Out of A Bad Day Slump

Bad days happen to all of us. They can creep up on us or hit us like BAM! A bad day ahead. I don’t like having bad days, but they happen more than I like to admit sometimes. I deal with chronic pain from RA and migraines, which can be a bit depressing.

I also have anxiety and depression, both managed without medication. Like many others, I do have insecurities and other not-so-great thoughts that come into my mind and cause my days to not be so positive.

I was once told by someone that she didn’t want to be around me because she “didn’t want to be around my negativity for five minutes”… wait, what? I understand that I was in a deep state of grief at that point (late December 2015) but things weren’t that horrible.

This was a shocker to Matthew and my friends because for the most part, I try to stay positive, even when it’s hard. As Matthew said, “you light up the room when you walk in.” I had to sit and think that one out- it really upset me.

I realized that she was going through her own grief and anger towards me and the rest of the world. I eventually let that one go, and it’s on the list of reasons we aren’t friends anymore. I don’t think we have spoken since that conversation.

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Tap Into What You Love and Need

I have some tips for getting out of the slump of a bad day or even a series of bad days.

  • Create something. This can be food, playing an instrument or something artistic. Keeping your hands busy can take your mind off what is bothering you, even for a while. It can also lift the sadness by reminding you what you are capable of.
  • Try learning something new, even if it is something small. Want to learn how to sew a new pattern? This could be a good time.
  • Take a walk. Getting outside can clear your mind, fresh air also helps. If the weather isn’t cooperating, then try walking inside a mall or other indoor track. Other kinds of exercise, like yoga, pilates or cardio can help with releasing endorphins- these help you feel good.
  • Play with your hair, makeup or clothes- trying a new hairstyle, look or outfit can help boost your confidence a bit.
  • Call a family member and/or friend. Even if you talk for just a few minutes, human contact can be good. If you haven’t talked to anyone in a day or two, it can be nicer than you think it may be to hear another person’s voice.
  • Cuddle up with a pet or borrow someone else’s pet. Pets are great with helping with hard feelings. We got Tails intending to help Julian bond with something because he was having problems bonding with us. They are best friends, and Miss Purr joined us in 2016. If I’m having a rough day, I like cuddling with her. Our pets are soft and comforting. Most of the time, they like helping us feel better.
  • Do simple self-care. I’m not talking bubble baths and face masks- I mean simply taking a shower, brushing your teeth and putting on clothes. This can be difficult if you have been depressed and in bed for multiple days, so take the time to get this one task done, even if it takes all day to do so.
  • Read quotes, affirmations and/or books to bring yourself a bit of positivity. This can help your mind frame a bit.

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If you want to read more about bad days, being kind to yourself and other similar topics, please go to these posts:

5 Ways to Conquer Self-Kindness

5 Rules for Mental Strength

The Not-So-Good Days

Dear Lola – The mortified mum…

I love the title of this blog and the topic is a very interesting one.

Shank You Very Much

Dear Lola,

I was cleaning my daughter’s bedroom the other day while she was in school. She normally maintains her room without help, but I needed to organize spaces for the new Christmas toys. I came across a hidden trove of candies and small toys that were not purchased by me or anyone in the family. She is only 10 and does not have her own money to go to the store herself. When I questioned her that afternoon, she admitted she took it from the store near our home. She wanted the items but knew I would say no, so she took them.

I am mortified. This is a small family run business that struggles to survive against the other larger chain stores in town. I immediately told my daughter that what she did was wrong and that she was grounded. She has lost all her television privileges and…

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Going into the Wild: Volunteering at Your Child’s School

My kids are in elementary and middle school. Over the years, I’ve volunteered as much as my health, career, and schedule have allowed. I’ve gone on numerous field trips, helped with a bunch of class parties and probably more things that I don’t remember as I’m typing this.

Cameron started kindergarten in 2010 and it’s all kind of a blur from there. One of my favorite things was helping at Lily’s Valentine’s Day parties because her birthday is right after.

Julian at the Louisville Bats game- 5th grade

Why do I like volunteering at my kids’ schools?

  • It allows me to get in some quality time with my kids. There’s three of them, one of me, and not nearly enough time in the day. Going on a field trip with them creates fun memories that’s just with us. Cameron still laughs about the bowling field trip in which both of us ended up with migraines. We had a very quiet evening at home afterward.
  • I have fun doing it. I don’t go on all the field trips I am able to- some of them just aren’t my thing. Lily’s class went on a trip to see a play that I knew I would basically fall asleep on so I sat that one out. If I know I can go and have fun doing it, I’ll sign up. Otherwise, nope.
  • It forces me to socialize. When I was in therapy, Rachel had me work on this a bit. I wasn’t a recluse or anything, but I didn’t like being around people very much and I would spend days in my house. Going on a field trip helps break that up a bit. I actually wear something besides sweats.

Heading Into the Wild

There are many ways you can volunteer at your child’s school. I just find field trips and the occasional class party the most fun and easiest way to do so. Some parents love organizing class parties, helping readers, coordinating festivals and so on. I just don’t have the time.

Volunteering is a good way to get to know your child’s teacher a bit. I’ve been able to become a lot more friendly with my kids’ teachers this way- in fact, my boys’ 4th-grade teacher now lives a few houses away from us. We became friends after she taught Julian. She was a special ed teacher for years before going mainstream. She loved working with him and helped us a lot with getting his IEP. Allison is a blast to talk to and we were thrilled to hear she was moving in the neighborhood. Julian won’t admit it, but he thinks it’s cool.

It’s also helped me meet some of my kids’ friends that I might not get to meet otherwise. Lily and her friend Alex don’t see each other much outside school but they are always together in school- I got to meet him on a field trip in which all of us were freezing. He’s a nice kid. He even said he wished his mom could come on field trips.

I’m not a fan of people, but I have made a mom friend while going on field trips over the years. Tiffany’s sons, Jordan and Connor, have been friends with Cameron and Lily. She and I have emailed and hung out with our kids often. She even follows my somewhat unfiltered Twitter. They are moving to a different county after this school year and I will be so sad to see them go. It can be fun to make mom friends, especially if you’re on a not-so-fun field trip or other situation. You might be able to make a stinky situation better.

These ideas were partially from A Life In Balance

Lily field trip pic

Your child might look at you sideways the first few times that you show up. This is okay. They’ll get used to it.

A Word:

My mom worked a lot when I was a kid- usually in the afternoons and/or at night, so she was usually sleeping when I was at school. She didn’t get to go on a lot of my field trips or help out a lot in my classes. She did make it to the big things, so I wanted to be able to do more for my kids. (No worries, Mom. I’m not mad. You did what you needed to do- take care of us.) I have missed a lot of things but my kids get the idea that I had to work, so now that I’m working differently, I’m able to do more. I know not all parents can, and that sucks. Don’t feel bad for what you can’t do, but feel good about what you can do.

If your schedule is a bit wonky, ask your child’s teacher what you can do to help. There is most likely something you can do, even if it’s making copies, making packets, or something else like that. Teachers love volunteers. I have friends that are teachers, and I hear this a lot.

Most school activities are meant to be fun in some capacity. Have all the fun you can and treasure the memories with your child.

Do you volunteer at your child’s school? Why or why not? What kind of experiences have you had?

Twin Mummy and Daddy

Book Review: “The Warner Boys: Our Family’s Story of Autism and Hope”

This month’s book review is early, but thanks to the holidays and other events, this should have been done long ago. My apologies to Sabrina, the publicist for the Warners. I forgot to mention this to her, but I’m a Seahawks fan. #GoHawks!

Curt Warner is a former Seahawks running back who met his wife, Ana, while out shopping. Ana is from Brazil and was working to make ends meet after moving back from her home country. They quickly fell in love, got married and started a family.

After the devastating loss of their first son, Ryan, Ana and Curt welcomed another son, Jonathan, then twins, Austin and Christian. Later, they adopted a daughter, Isabella.

The boys began to show signs of autism as early as toddlerhood but were not officially diagnosed until elementary school.

It’s extremely difficult to hear that sort of diagnosis, so it is not surprising that Curt and Ana were devastated. They dealt with their sons’ autism differently.

Ana was able to stay at home while Curt worked and immersed herself in trying for a cure. When that wasn’t a possibility, she tried for perfection. This led to a crippling depression that made her suicidal at one point.

Austin and Christian faced struggles that many kids with autism do- lack of danger awareness, obsessions (Disney movies), issues in school and diet issues.

Jonathan, their older brother, is also featured in the book. I liked this- siblings of children of special needs should also have a voice. Sometimes they intentionally get left out.

Ana and Curt tell their story alternately, with a lot of heart and description. Their sons went through good and bad times, like many other children. The good thing is, they never lost hope in them. Austin and Christian will be taken care of their whole lives and for that, they are very lucky young men.

Any parent that needs a word of encouragement through a rough patch can get just that from this novel.