The Benefits of Early Intervention

Kids develop at their own pace. There are timelines in which we usually expect things to happen, like crawling, walking, talking, etc. Some kids skip a phase entirely, for example, Julian barely crawled before learning to walk. A kid that talks in 3-word sentences at 2 1/2 may have walked at 10 months old. It’s hard to tell when these milestones may occur.

Sometimes, kids hit milestones later than they should. This is due to a lot of factors- prematurity, lack of time with parent/caregiver helping them learn things, etc. I’ve also learned that sometimes delays happen for no reason at all. Lily has done things on her own time since the womb.

She wanted out at 31 weeks, but my OB stepped in and stopped her. The day after I reached 37 weeks, Lily had had enough and she was born later that day. Being three weeks early, she weighed in at 5 lbs, 12 oz, the smallest of my kids. I could pick her up with one hand for a month (not that I did). She wore preemie clothes for a couple of months. In 2008, preemie diapers were a pain to find and I was delighted when she finally grew out of them.

She has always been a great sleeper. As a baby, we could barely hear her crying because she was so quiet.Twelve years later, you can definitely hear her if she cries and she loves to sleep.Lily was a small baby and everyone loved cuddling and playing with her. Her brothers actually fought over who got to put her bottles in the sink to be washed. (They were 3 and 1 1/2 at the time.) It took some time before I realized that she wasn’t reaching her milestones.

I mentioned to her pediatrician at a checkup that I was worried because she wasn’t crawling, pointing to things she wanted and a few other things. I was given a phone number for an Early Intervention program, known locally as First Steps, and advised to schedule an evaluation.

The evaluation was the day before her first birthday. It broke my heart watching her struggle to do things she should have been able to do or at least try. As soon as the evaluator left, I burst into tears and cried through the next day. I knew something was wrong.

Lily turned one and started First Steps almost immediately after. She had physical, speech and occupational delays. This is also referred to as “global” delays. In her case, it was hard to tell what caused these delays. She wasn’t born early enough for that to be an issue. I took care of myself the best I could throughout the pregnancy- I worked full time and chased the boys around. After going into labor at 31 weeks, I basically sat and did nothing as my OB recommended, including going on light duty at work. I didn’t drink, do drugs or anything that could have harmed her. I was at a loss.

Lily had great therapists- I am still Facebook friends with Denise, her speech therapist. Denise was the only therapist that stayed the whole two years because Lily needed extensive speech therapy. The other two therapies lasted for about 6 months (physical) and a year (occupational). When she got to preschool, her teachers asked if she had ever recieved speech therapy because she talked so well. I explained that she did and that Denise did a great job.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows- Lily would throw herself on the floor because she was frustrated trying to talk. She hated the sensory suitcase that the OT brought to see what textures she could and couldn’t tolerate. When learning to run, she ran into her open bedroom door, cutting her forehead. There’s a scar, but she doesn’t remember how it got there!

Of course, during all this, Julian started showing behaviors that would later lead to his diagnosis. It was a rough time for all five of us and it almost led to the end of my marriage. I’m glad that I was able to get Lily what she needed. She is still seeing a dietician and will be starting OT again very soon, whenever the world opens up.

What Do I Do? How can I find help for my child?

As I said earlier, I talked to Lily’s pediatrician at a checkup, but you can call or email your child’s pediatrician whenever you think is necessary for this issue. Some pediatricians may take a “wait and see” approach but if you think it’s more serious, don’t be afraid to push for your baby to be seen.

Most, if not all states have programs that provide early intervention services to kids ages birth-three. The program in Louisville is First Steps. There’s an evaluation and a meeting afterward to discuss what may or may not be needed. If you don’t like the therapist you get, it’s easy to change. At three, your child is no longer able to receive these services and will be evaluated to see if they need to go to Head Start for more therapies or if they can be discharged and go to preschool.

Lily was evaluated a month before her third birthday and she aged out. She went to preschool that August.

I will say this as a mom who has been there: DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. I did this for a long time, even after I knew that Lily’s delays were global and there wasn’t a reason for them. Just remember that you are doing the best you can, which is what really matters.

So what ARE the benefits?

1. Obviously, getting early intervention services can help your child not get further behind in their development than they already may be. If you elect to not get services at all, this may mean a lifetime of difficulties for your child. There is no shame in getting your child assistance. It’s most effective when done early. Had I waited longer to get Lily into First Steps, or not done it at all, she would still be struggling with her speech. I just wish I had picked therapies back up a little earlier than I did.
2. The therapist(s) come to you. This Discusses the legal requirement of the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) of therapists coming into a child’s natural environment as much as possible. Children learn better when in a familiar place.
3. You are involved in the team that works with your child. You get to say what services you do and do not want your child to receive.
4. Therapists and others working with your child can help you get other services, should you need them.
5. Your child can improve their skills at their pace and not feel rushed. The therapists can model what you may need to do between sessions.

There is something great about watching your child learn and grow through their therapies. Your child may need extra help, and this is okay. Your child will be better off having had early intervention.

Intriguing Reads for February

I went pretty far back into the archives for this month…enjoy the reads!

Parenting Pet Peeves

The Cell Phone Questions (there’s an update!!)

He Made Me a Mommy

My two-year sobriety chip

What You Need to Know About Teen Dating

My Experience with Body Image Issues

Sweet Dreams.. But Where?

Babies sleep a lot. We, on the other hand, do not. While they sleep, we attempt to eat, shower, work, clean, take care of any siblings they have… the list goes on. Some babies sleep in a crib, some in a bassinet. Others sleep in a pack-and-play.

When it comes to co-sleeping, the debate has been on-going for years. I’m well past the stage in which it is an issue for me, but I still find it interesting. Matthew and I didn’t let the kids sleep with us.

Matthew is a big guy- he’s 5’10 and about 260 lbs. He was about this size when Cameron was born, and he was scared that if Cameron slept with us, he would roll over on him. That would have not ended well. I agreed, and this rule went for all three kids. They don’t sleep with us, even if they are sick or have had a bad dream. If they’re sick, they can keep that in their bed, honestly. I don’t want that. My immune system sucks enough as it is.

This isn’t to say that I am against co-sleeping. It just wasn’t an option for us.

The Case for Co-Sleeping

Co-sleeping can be awesome if done correctly. I’m all for snuggles and everyone sleeping in the same bed. If you are breastfeeding, it’s probably the best idea for night feedings. You can lay in bed and poof! A midnight snack is there for the baby. Everyone goes back to sleep when the baby is done. This can help with maintaining the milk supply.

Children that co-sleep also can feel more secure and safe, reducing nighttime separation anxiety. This also helps with skin-to-skin contact. If you are gone most of the day, night time can be the main time you have with your child. This information can be found on kellymom

Disadvantages of Co-Sleeping

It may be difficult to get a 6-month old to stop co-sleeping, but even harder to get a 3-year-old to change beds. This was the second major concern I have about co-sleeping.

A friend of mine co-slept with her younger daughter until she was 3 and it was very hard for her daughter to adjust. It took months for her to fully get the idea that she needed to sleep in her “big girl” bed and not with her mom.

Safety is a major concern. I already stated my thoughts on this, but there are recommendations to not co-sleep by many professionals due to deaths of babies that were accidentally smothered by parents.

Babies can get tangled in sheets, hair, or even threads from the sheets. If you are going to consider co-sleeping, here are some safety tips, again from kellymom

• Do not co-sleep if you have a waterbed.
• Do not co-sleep if you have used alcohol and/or drugs.
• Do not swaddle and co-sleep. The baby may become overheated.
• There should not be any space between the bed and wall where the baby could roll and become stuck.
• No loose pillows or blankets near the baby’s face.
• The mattress should be fitted to the head and footboard.

Another disadvantage is that co-sleeping can interrupt intimate time between the parents. It’s kind of hard to get any kind of intimacy going if there is a baby between you.

This can become an issue between couples, so communication is key. You and your partner will need to discuss how this change will impact your relationship and what you can do to keep it from becoming a serious issue.

Think It Out

Like many other decisions in parenting, take the time to consider the pros and cons carefully. If you need to, consult a pediatrician or other medical professional. Think about what works for you, your partner and baby, because that is what matters most. Happy sleeping!

Pics courtesy of Unsplash

Tips for Parenting from Baby to Middle School

Opinions are everywhere.

So are your kid’s toys, the cat’s litter and the contents of your purse.

Or is that just me?

Maybe. Maybe not.

It’s a weird world that we live in- everyone has something to say. Some of us feel the need to live up to expectations that aren’t exactly healthy.

I am not one of those parents.

I was many moons ago, and there’s a post to tell that story.

The Baby and Toddler Stage.. Take A Deep Breath

Babies are adorable. They’re all soft, cuddly and you just want to hold them forever.

Avery, my little buddy.

Until that first blowout diaper. I’m here to tell you, it’s one of the many gross things you will witness as a parent. Once you see that diaper, you will want to cry and throw the whole day away. As in hit the restart button and pause right before your baby created that horrible mess.

They sleep about as much as cats, at least for a while. Once they sleep all night, life becomes somewhat decent again. Then comes the solid food stage, in which they insist on smearing everywhere. It makes for great pictures but horrible cleanup. Babies also become mobile, and that’s when the real fun begins. It’s when we stop being able to have nice things.

Toddlers are known to be tiny terrors. They can destroy your home in about 15 seconds or less if given the opportunity. They also have the capacity to be the cutest little people you will ever lay eyes on. “Oh, wait, I have a voice and it gets loud? Wait, hold my sippy cup while I scream because Mom changed the channel.”

My friend Melanie had a hashtag #ReasonsWhyMyToddlerIsCrying while her son Elliott was a toddler and it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. My kids threw wild tantrums and I am glad I lived through this phase.. barely. I went through three toddlers in a short amount of time.

How can you survive this phase?

• Sleep. Try to sleep when the baby sleeps, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Sleep the best you can at night. Try for some sort of schedule if you can, you will thank yourself later. My kids still have a sleep schedule and they’re much older.
• Breathe. Take lots of deep breaths. Meditate if you need to. It helps keep you calm.
• Humor. You will need this when your two-year-old has discovered what a Sharpie is.
• Backup. Backup needs to be a thing from day one. You will need it until your child moves out, or so it seems.
• Learn about your child. Every child is different and they change over time. This will help greatly when people start giving advice you really don’t need.
• Self-care. This should be a priority. Forever.

The Preschool Life

This stage is kind of fun. Kids at this age want to learn about everything. They ask a million and two questions before lunch, and they’re learning to express themselves. This might be about the time they learn to dress. That can be a lot of fun- I had a blast with Lily’s outfits. They’re also learning to interact with others outside their family.

Lily and the snowball

I didn’t think about how expensive preschool was until both boys were in it together. YIKES. It’s not getting any cheaper, so if that’s your thing, you might want to start looking into it when your child is an infant if they aren’t already in daycare.

My kids never went to daycare. Their grandmothers watched them while I worked and finished school then went straight to preschool. Julian had a rough time in preschool, but Cameron and Lily did great. Lily’s road to preschool was not an easy one thanks to her delays. We almost didn’t get her potty trained in time.

Speaking of potty training…

How do you get through this phase?

• Lots of patience. Potty training does not happen in one day. I do not care what book you read. If you have potty trained a child in one day, please email me. I’d love to know what you did. Julian broke his foot while he was being potty trained and had a cast almost up to his knee. I cannot express how much fun that was. He had a boot on, but it still impeded his speed in getting to the potty. We started late with Lily due to the therapies for her delays and she continued to have accidents well after her fourth birthday. It was not easy. Patience is required in all aspects of parenting but potty training will wear a parent out!
• Humor. Preschoolers do a lot of funny things. They also say even funnier things.
• Have a camera. Thanks to smartphones, this is super easy. You will want to take a million pics during this time. They’re always into something. It’s just the question of what.
• What’s a clean house? If everyone living in it is clean, then the rest is a bonus.
• Routine is good. Bonus if it actually gets followed daily. We try very hard.
• Grow an extra set of eyes in the back of your head. Preschoolers are into everything. They want to learn about the world around them and sometimes that means a little bit of adventure. It can also mean doing things they know they probably shouldn’t. Since we can’t really grow eyes in the back of our heads, backup is a good idea.
• Self- care. These little people take a lot out of us and we need to recharge.

Time for School!

Thanksgiving 2015

I may joke about it now, but I was sad about sending my kids to school. I cried a little when Lily went to her first day of kindergarten because she’s my youngest and I realized my 5 lb, 12 oz baby wasn’t really a baby anymore. It was a little crushing. She’s now months away from middle school. I may or may not cry at her 5th-grade graduation.

Some kids do not do well with the kindergarten adjustment. Julian was one of those kids. He was diagnosed later that year and that helped somewhat. Kindergarten is a big change- the building, more adults, kids, the routine, and more. Julian is not a fan of big changes, so this was not on his list of fun things to do. He did better in the other years.

Kids in this stage grow so quickly! I sent Cameron to elementary school in 2010 and he finished in 2015 almost as tall as me! They learn a lot, make friends and lots of things in the middle.

How do you get through your baby not being a baby anymore?

• Let them be who they are. My kids have tried different things to see if they liked them or not, and this is fine. Lily tried playing the trumpet but didn’t like having to play in front of others. Julian ran cross country in 5th grade because he’s always been a fast runner. Cameron loves basketball and plays whenever he can. He won’t try out for a team, (I think) because he’s afraid to mess with his heart (he has SVT and is cleared to play by his cardiologist).
• Watch them form their own thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. You may be surprised at what they have learned from you. Be proud of yourself for teaching them well.
• Let them make their own friends. Of course, step in if there’s something dangerous going on. Kids like to hang out with who they like, not who Mom picks.
• Let them solve their own problems as they get older. This isn’t meant for a kindergartner, but fifth graders can figure out some things.
• Take all the pictures they will allow. Pretty soon, you will hear “Mom. Stop taking pictures. It’s annoying.”
• Humor. Humor is a parenting requirement.

The Parenting Struggle…The Middle School Edition

If you’ve seen my Instagram page, this is one of my often-used hashtags. Middle school is a struggle, for parents and kids. Kids are trying to figure out who they are, what their bodies are doing, and as parents, we’re just trying to make sure they’re okay and keeping them fed.

If you have boys, the last one can be a challenge. I have two- I don’t know where the food goes but the wrappers are everywhere.

Kids are smarter than we realize. They, for the most part, are more accepting than many adults are. I think it is a combination of not caring and how they are taught. I’ve done my best to teach my kids to accept others for who they are and not what they look like or what their racial makeup is. I’ve been the kid left out because I was biracial and that is damaging. I would never let my kids do that to someone else.

Julian and the Gorilla

The struggles? There are many- smelly feet, testosterone, explaining racism and other injustices, discussing drugs and alcohol (especially when you are 2 years sober), homework, grades in general and lots more.

This is the age in which kids start learning from their friends and not asking Mom or Dad about everything- Cameron learned about bisexuality from a friend of his. I guess when you’re 14, this is on the list of things you don’t ask Mom about.

How does this phase work?

• Talk to your child. I cannot stress this enough. I don’t mean sit them down and interrogate them but just casual talk is good. They need to know you are there for them and that you care.
• Boundaries. Let them know what you will and will not tolerate. We’re parents, not their besties.
• Let them come to you if they have a problem. No judgment allowed. If you judge, they won’t confide in you.
• Remind them of the importance of good grades, enforce homework rules, etc.
• Give them space. They need it.
• Knock before entering. You will regret this the one time you don’t.
• Humor. Teens are funny and humor helps in almost all situations.
• Let them be who they are. They are figuring out who they are. This takes a while.

Parenting is an adventure. It is not meant to be easy. We are, however, meant to have the children that we were given. I didn’t realize this until Julian was diagnosed.

I thought I had completely messed up as a mom and maybe even as a person, but no, I was given Julian to become a stronger person and much better mom. Enjoy the ride- our kids only get one childhood!

Do you have any tips to get through these stages of childhood? Leave a comment!

Song Lyric Saturday with Cardi B

I love Cardi B. I waited until her baby was born to give Cardi her week on the blog because I was curious about the name. Kulture? Poor baby. I’d go by my middle name, Kiari, and move along with my life.

For the record, I’m not a fan of weird names because of mine. My name has been mangled for as long as I remember so that’s why my kids have somewhat normal names.

I digress.

Why do I like Cardi B? She’s funny, loud and just doesn’t care what you think about her. She’s also very honest about her past. She was a stripper and is like “yeah, and what?” I probably wouldn’t make her mad. I know she was on a VH1 show but I didn’t hear of her until “Bodak Yellow” and that is when my car stereo gave up. It couldn’t play anything else all of a sudden…

“Invasion of Privacy” is good. I love a few of the songs. My favorite? I’m stuck between “Be Careful” and “Thru Your Phone”. The first time I heard her rapping “You gonna turn me into Left-Eye” I almost fell over laughing. If you aren’t familiar with the singer, Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes burnt down her boyfriend, Andre Rison’s mansion after a fight in the mid 1990’s. He played for the Atlanta Falcons. She was known for having a fiery temper.

Lots of people can’t stand Cardi, but I really like that she is unapologetically herself and honest. She is also super grateful for her fans. Keep doing you, Cardi. It will keep paying off.