Five Ways to Avoid Holiday Meltdowns

Meltdowns are not a fun event, no matter what day of the year it is. Most of the time, they can be avoided, but sometimes, it’s entirely out of our control. To learn more about meltdowns, you can read The Truth About Shutdowns and Meltdowns

Give thanks

Bringing Down The Stress

The holiday season can be a stressful time- starting with Halloween and ending at New Year’s Eve. This can depend on which holidays your family celebrates- some families don’t celebrate anything at all, some celebrate everything.

Isn’t that neat? My family celebrates Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Chanukah. My mother is Jewish, so we go to her house every year to have some fun over the eight nights. It’s fun but can get a bit tiring, so we go at our own speed.

Things can be a bit more stressful if you run into family members that don’t understand your child’s special needs- especially if they don’t want to. There is a difference between not knowing and not wanting to know. This topic is a bit more detailed in Helping Your Family Understand Your Child’s Special Needs

Overall, there are ways to help your family get through the holiday season in a way that everyone can remember fondly.

Upset child

Five Golden Rings…I Mean, Tips

  1. Avoid places with crowds, loud noises, etc. Many kids with special needs do not like the line to see Santa. It’s loud, bright, and if you’re Julian, there are germs everywhere. Some kids do not do well in crowds, because it’s too cramped, things move too fast, and sensory issues can be caused by very small things that we are not aware of. Some places are becoming more aware of this and are offering sensory-friendly gatherings, so look around in your area.
  2. Be flexible. This is most likely the most important tip. Flexibility is a requirement in parenting, but in this case, there’s more of a need. Things can change in a second with our special needs kids, and this is okay. Things can become just too much for them, and they need the ability to find a quiet spot to calm down in or leave entirely. Bring two adults to events so that one can stay with the other children, bring adaptive equipment, etc.
  3. Watch out for wandering. This can occur when a child needs to escape quickly from a situation they do not want to be in- a loud party, for example. Keep an extra-close eye on your child near doors and other routes away from your location.
  4. Keep up your routine. Most kids are on a break for a week before and after Christmas. It’s important to keep up a daily routine- eating and sleeping as close to usual times as you can. Kids do better when they know what is going on. It keeps their anxiety low and they are less likely to get off-track with behaviors.
  5. Take a break if you need it. If things get to be too much for you and/or your child, it may be time for a break. Don’t go to the next party. Don’t worry about the next celebration. Stay home, watch a movie and snuggle up with your family. This can be more fun than going out and potentially creating more stress.

Christmas gifts

The holiday season is upon us, the weather is getting colder. Let’s make great memories with our families.

What tips do you have to prevent meltdowns with your kids?

Photos courtesy of Unsplash

Information from CBS

Twin Mummy and Daddy

All the Wishes and Dreams

Many years ago, I knew I wanted to have kids.

At one point, four sounded great, but that got cut after Cameron was born. He was a tough baby and now he’s my most chilled-out kid.

Three is enough at this house. I have friends who have more than three, and I wonder how they do it.

Every parent that I’ve ever met has some sort of wish or dreams for their kids. Mine probably isn’t much different from theirs.

Kid pic

Doesn’t he look thrilled?

The Biggest Wish

I want my kids to live a life that they love. College is still debatable for the boys, and Lily hasn’t said much about it. I don’t think a college degree is necessary to go into an occupation.

My career required a degree, but not all do. I could have become a CNA and possibly made more, but due to RA, I’d probably have to stop at some point if not already.

My theory is: if it’s paying your bills, legal and you like it, then I support it.

Our school system has programs at each high school that students can go into for a career if they decide not to go to college. I think this is a great idea. Cameron is in a machine tool, computer-aided design (CAD) and engineering program.

He’s following in his grandfather and uncle’s footsteps. Matthew was NOT interested.

Julian is looking at programs and thinks a graphic design program might be a good idea. He loves computers and video games and loved to draw when he was younger.

If this is what makes them happy and fulfilled, who am I to stop them?

Of course, there’s more to life than working, so I hope they have a partner that they can be happy with and friends who they can be themselves with and are there when they need them. I also hope they remain passionate about what they like and believe in.

You can read more on my thoughts about my kids going to college here

Zoo selfie

Remember Who You Are

This was my grandfather’s biggest lesson to everyone in the family and it’s on his headstone.

In my kids’ case, I hope they remember that they can always come home and I’ll be here.

This also means being yourself and never running away from or changing that. That never ends well- I tried it and I was miserable.

In part of knowing who you are, I hope my kids never, ever accept being treated less than they deserve- because they deserve the best person for them. This also means never treating anyone with less respect because they’re different in any way. I think that lesson has been extensively covered.

Accepting people for who they are and where they are in life is a huge value of mine and I’ve worked so hard to teach my kids this. I think Cameron and Lily have learned a lot about acceptance, thanks to Julian.

I also hope my kids accept themselves as they are- nobody is perfect and I don’t expect anything close from them.

Funny meme

Adulting is a TRAP

I joke about this, but adulting is tough.

My boys can’t wait to hit 18, then 21 years old. They can do all the “fun things”.. Like pay bills and work?

I’m huge on self-sufficiency. No kid in this house is moving out unable to take care of themselves. All of them can cook in the microwave (we’re working on the stove), do laundry, clean the house (some better than others) and other things.

Welcome to the Future

At some point, I’m probably going to become a grandmother.

I plan to spoil them terribly and send them home.

I haven’t always been the best mom, but I’ve always loved my kids. I think they know this, and maybe my parenting will get passed down- the humorous parts, hopefully. They can do without the drinking part.

I hope my kids are great parents- they’ve seen me do my best with very little, struggle with my health (physical and emotional) and still be an okay mom.

Mainly, I want these kids to have more. We’ve struggled financially and it’s not fun for anyone involved. It’s stressful and can break a family.

I know their lives will hit difficult periods- I hope I’ve armed them with the tools to get through those times.

Just an Ordinary Mom

I’m just a mom writing a blog of my thoughts. I don’t wish or hope for much with my kids. I’d love to see where their lives lead them. I’m trying to stay healthy (and mobile) enough to do so.

For further reading:

What I want my kids to know about Friendship

We Have to Stick Together

Parenting

I’ve read a lot about parenting.

I’ve been a mom for fourteen years- Cameron was born in January 2005. (Yikes.)

There’s a lot of moms out there that try their hardest to demonstrate that parenting is easy.

I don’t know what planet they live on, but this is not easy.

Unless you are lucky enough to have nannies or other in-home help, you’re not sleeping much for a while after you have a baby. They aren’t the greatest sleepers. Some babies gracefully sleep all night at an early age and at that point, you may want to build a shrine to the parenting gods.

I almost did when Lily slept through the night before I went to work after her birth. Her brothers wouldn’t have thought about this.

The toddler and preschool years?

You love your kid, but are also ready to list them for sale on Etsy about three minutes after they terrify the cat.

This is the time where they learn so much and repeat things they probably shouldn’t. Break out the phones for those moments.

When kindergarten hits, be ready for tears.

Elementary school is full of fun and adventure… Just wait for the middle school. I’m currently there and, wow, is it full of things I never saw.

Pets, Stinky Feet and Sancti-Mommies

We’ve had a few pets along the way. Tiger was with us for a few months and sadly, we had to say goodbye after a tumor ruptured on his leg.

It was bad enough to make that decision, but it was worse to have to tell the kids. I couldn’t fix Tiger’s leg and keep him with us.

Tails and Miss Purr, along with the turtles, Biggie Smalls and Lightning, complete our house. We love them- they are family members.

Tails

Stinky feet are everywhere at my house. These kids are gross. They shower all the time.

The preteen and teenage stage…

Double yikes.

There’s so many things to explain- drugs, alcohol, mean girls and boys, sex, and the list goes on. As Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast.

He wasn’t kidding.

Then, there’s the moms that think their way is the best and that they are better than everyone else.

Whew….

They have tons to learn.

First of all, should they have a child with any kind of special needs, they are entirely screwed. Your mindset changes and throwing shade at other moms isn’t going to give you the support you are going to need.

Once these moms become known for their less-than-polite ways, who really wants to be within a mile of that?

I don’t.

As Ariana Grande says, thank you, next.

I’m all for research and opinions, but there are ways to express these respectfully. It’s possible to be nice and say what you think.

Parenting is the roughest job that many of us will ever have, unless you’re a first responder, logger, or something equally tough.

We need to stick together and remember all of us are doing the best we can. This goes for moms of newborns, elementary school-aged kids, even adults. It’s tough out there.

If you know a mom (or dad) who is struggling, try to help them out. It might be the best thing anyone does for them in a while.

Until next week, hang in there and try to laugh off your kid’s latest adventure.

Pics courtesy of pixels and pinterest

Are You Okay?- A Conversation Starter

Three words can help a lot more than you realize.

“Are you okay?”

This question can start a potentially life-saving conversation or start a complete shut-down- but it’s worth trying.

If you’re asking someone this question, there’s likely a good reason, maybe more than one. Think carefully- has he/she been quieter than usual, or have you seen changes in their personality? Other changes?

If so, good move.

You may be on the right track.

The Infinite Struggle

Some people, however, are not good with expressing that they need help, or even talking about their feelings when they really should. These are the people you may want to be gentle with after asking if they’re okay.

I am one of these people. It’s a struggle. I worked on this in therapy and still, it’s a struggle. Let me explain- I know that I get stuck in my own brain, which is not a good thing. My thoughts can get pretty bad. I also know that I need to talk to someone about those thoughts. Don’t freak out, because I don’t have suicidal thoughts or anything like that, but stay with me.

I just freeze up when it’s probably time to reach out.

Why?

If we remember that horrible time in which I cried constantly and drank my pain away, I probably got on everyone’s nerves. That’s how I saw it. My former therapist explained (very patiently) that people were there for me because they wanted to be.

Okay, then.

She went on to say that if they were truly tired of all my crying and sadness, they would have left me alone at that point.

Once I felt a lot better about my life, I began to feel as if I didn’t really have a right to burden people with my problems anymore, because I’d run out of people’s patience. I have friends who will listen to me anytime I need them to, but I don’t always talk.

I really need to work on this.

The Next Steps

So what do you do if someone says, “No, I’m not okay?”

  • Listen. This might be the best thing you can do for them.
  • If they say they need some extra help, do what you can to help them get it. If they need emergency assistance, call 911 or take them to the nearest ER.
  • Ask “What can I do?” This might sound super simple, but you may be surprised at what might help someone during a rough time.
  • Don’t tell them that this will pass very soon, etc. Time can feel like it is slowing down during a depressive/manic/other episode, or even speeding up. Saying things like that can make the person feel trivialized or otherwise like a burden.

What if the person says “I’m good, thanks,” but you feel like they are not quite okay?

This is a hard one. As someone who falls into this area, all you can really do is wait it out. Give the person some space. We have our own reasons for not talking, and we may do so on our own time. Unless the person is an immediate danger to themselves and/or others, there’s not a lot you can do. Just watch out for the person as much as you can and give gentle reminders that you are there for them if needed. My best friends do this quite often.

If the person says “No, I’m fine” and becomes angry and/or aggressive:

Absolutely back up. I don’t advise taking this any further because someone can get hurt trying to push the conversation. Stop what you’re doing immediately and get to a safe location.

The Conversation Continues

Talking about our mental health isn’t a bad thing. We need to check in with ourselves and each other. Every day. Every week. Every month.

The stigma is still present while many of us fight the battle daily. We go to therapy, take meds, and do other things to make sure that we remain stable.

If you know someone is struggling, reach out to them. You may be helping them through the darkest hour of their lives. If you’re the one that’s struggling, you’re worth it. Take a minute and text someone you trust.

*picks up cell and texts bestie*

#SpeakNow #ForMySuperman

Do you struggle with talking about your feelings?

If so, BetterHelp can be a good place to start. This will help Georgia residents find a therapist, but can also lead others to what they need.

Photos courtesy of pexels