Guest Post with Cara

Today’s guest post is with Cara. Her post contains a few insightful tips for setting boundaries with your children. Thanks, Cara! 

How to Set Parental Boundaries for Your Own Wellbeing

When you hear the term “parental boundaries,” you likely think of rules for children. What I’d like to talk about is boundaries parents need for themselves. When you become a parent, your boundaries are going to change. Healthy boundaries in parenthood are essential for the good of yourself and your child.

The basic definition of healthy boundaries are the limits you set to maintain overall wellbeing in all aspects of life. While there are generally good practices in how to maintain healthy parental boundaries, it is up you as an individual to define your own boundaries. The boundaries you have will also vary depending on each person. The parental boundaries you must set will likely include yourself, your child, your significant other, family, caregivers, and strangers.

Boundaries for Yourself

Boundaries for yourself are mainly about how much you will give as a parent. Parenting is a difficult job, and parents often lose themselves in the task of raising children. As a parent, you need to find time for yourself. Do something you enjoy. I know this can be difficult, but the idea is quality over quantity. Even taking a few minutes for yourself can make a world of difference.

Boundaries with Your Child

One boundary you should set is to not let your child’s emotions impact your quality of parenting. Set a boundary that your child’s tantrums, arguing, and cries will not affect your ability to parent. Now I’m not saying to be a robot; just give yourself enough emotional room to identify your own feelings separate from your child’s. Listen to your child and empathize, but don’t let it affect your judgement as a parent.

Boundaries with kids also include setting rules and consequences, but that’s just part of it. The other half is holding your child to the limits you have set. This seems to be where most parents struggle. The best way to follow through with rules and consequences is to have them be things you will actually do. Telling your child you’ll leave them at the store if they don’t stop throwing a tantrum is not a realistic consequence. Stating you will not buy the toy you have already placed in the cart, however, is realistic.

Boundaries with Your Significant Other

If you have a significant other, having kids will definitely impact the dynamics of your relationship. It’s important to openly communicate before and after the child arrives about your expectations for parenting. Decide your parental boundaries together and continually discuss them as your child grows. Some examples of boundary topics to go over with your partner include: co-sleeping with your child, time spent on romance and dates, what topics are appropriate to discuss in front of your child, etc.

Children often try to pit parents against one another to get what they want. An important boundary to maintain is remaining unified as parents. For example, your child wants to go to their friend’s house. You say it’s ok, but your partner says no. Discuss the matter and come to an agreement before you provide your child with an answer.

Boundaries with Family and Caregivers

Your child will likely interact with a number of family members and other caregivers throughout childhood. Many of these people will have different ideas about rearing children than you. It’s important to verbally communicate your boundaries and always speak up for you and your child. If someone is making decisions about your child you are unhappy with, talk to them.  

While it’s important to set boundaries with others for your child, people will not always handle things the way you’d like. Think carefully about what battles to fight and what to let go. Also, you will not always be there with your child. It’s just as important to teach your child how to set their own boundaries and speak for themselves when those boundaries are being crossed.

Boundaries with Strangers

Your boundaries with strangers are going to be different. We are often wary of strangers when it comes to our kids, and rightfully so. Define your boundaries with strangers and speak up if you feel uncomfortable. For example, a stranger may want to hold your baby. It is up to you to define your boundary and what you think is appropriate with a stranger touching your child. Always make your child’s safety at the top of your priority list.

 I hope this gives you a better sense of parental boundaries. Be sure to consciously set boundaries and act on them. Speak up, learn to say no, and respect your boundaries and the boundaries of others. When you do this, you’ll feel better about parenthood and your overall wellbeing.  

You can find Cara at these sites: 

Blog Site 
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Thanks for reading! 

Wrae